Teens Self Help

There's a song in your heart... (a reprise)

2011-05-20T22:56:00.004-04:00

There's a song in your heart
A unique song…
Hidden, but very present
Search for it
Find it
Discover it
Get in touch with it
Hear it
Embrace it
Sing it
Only you can hear it
Only you can sing it
Don't copy someone else's
Find your own unique song
You have magic in you
BELIEVE IT!

(Karol Feld, 02/29/08)

Matthew Stepanek wrote - in "Heartsongs":
"If you believe you can be happy
Then you, too, will hear your song..."

It's All Up To You...

2011-04-29T23:12:00.006-04:00

I tend to say this a lot when I read inspirational messages and poems to my students: "It's Up To You..." I really have come to believe that whatever happens in our lives happens for a reason. There are many lessons we have to learn in order to become better human and spiritual beings. But I also believe that we create a lot of our reality with our thoughts, feelings, emotions and intentions. Many authors have written about this, Norman Vincent Peale, Wallace Wattles, Florence Scovel Schinn, etc. Some call it "The Law of Attraction." If we concentrate only on negative stuff, complain a lot, only see the bad in every situation - we make ourselves miserable and we attract negative things into our lives (pain, disease, addictions, destructive behaviors, etc.). We must learn to have a positive outlook on life, and concentrate on the positive! See the good in everyone and everything. Learn to love ourselves and others. Learn to forgive ourselves and others. Practice all this and see what happens! Remember that you attract what you fear and you attract what you love.

One of the worse things we can do is to be "fearful." Worries are like prayers - like praying for those things (fears and worries) to happen.

Start each day thinking that your day will be a great one. Think about the positive and worthwhile things you will accomplish. How can you make a difference? How could you help others? What can you do to make someone happy? ... and yourself happy? Laugh more... help more... enjoy your life more. Count your blessings! Be confident!

It's so easy to complain, criticize, judge, and feel bad. Some people even enjoy hurting others (physically and emotionally). They are in so much pain - deep inside - that they have to take it on others, bully others; because they feel stronger acting like "monsters." Why? Why does it have to be this way? Let's read more inspirational books, poems, messages, websites (there are many!) Whatever it takes to teach us to become more positive and "loving" persons, and to help us to believe in our great potential! We all have amazing qualities, talents, gifts and inner resources to overcome all the many challenges in life. If not, like a boomerang, what we put out there will come back to us, somehow... we "reap what we sow" (our actions will have consequences, sooner or later).

Envision all the great things you wish to accomplish and BELIEVE that they will become a reality - see yourself as you'd like to be in the future. See yourself as a successful, happy, peaceful person. Feelings are important, emotions are important! So, pay attention to these feelings and emotions. Write in a journal, express yourself, speak your mind (in a respectful way - not hurting others). Forgive others and forgive yourself! Do not cause pain, or pain will come into your life.

Life is not as complicated as we make it! If you start seeing the good in others and the good in yourself, you'll experience a new reality... Trust me!

I wish you happiness. I wish you peace. I wish you all the best! You matter too much to give up and drown yourself in sorrow. Make it a habit to pay attention to your thoughts and change the negative ones for positive ones. Take good care of yourself and your loved ones! Be the kind of person others want to be with. The energy you radiate must be a happy and powerful one, then you will become like a magnet - others will want to be with you. Then, you'll feel truly powerful! Be passionate and enthusiastic about what you do, and passionate about your life. Be a person of good character and good morals. Be proud of who you are...

Just a few thoughts that come to my mind. No one is perfect, but we can have the best possible "perfect" life for us, while we respect, help, love, forgive, understand, and value others.

Never Condemn, Criticize and Complain

2011-01-12T12:56:00.040-05:00

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.”
~ Dale Carnegie

I'm reading and interesting compilation of "50 Inspirational Books to Transform your Life" by Tom Butler-Bowdon. Yes, I love reading books; especially inspirational ones. It does motivate me to read encouraging and positive words, since we are constantly bombarded with negative stuff from the time we wake up in the morning (TV news and programs, newspapers, etc.) to the time we go to bed at night. One of the books discussed is "How to Win Friends and Influence People" - written in 1936 by Dale Carnegie. It's one of the biggest selling books ever. There, Carnegie mentions that "instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them." "Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. 'To know all is to forgive all.'" Wise words...

Isn't it true that it's very easy for us to criticize and judge others? To condemn instead of commend? Isn't it true that we put people down in order to feel better about ourselves (in a morbid kind of way)? We like to feel important, and at times -maybe without even realizing it- we assume arrogant attitudes and pretend that we know better than everyone else; that we are right and others wrong; that we know it all... We like to complain and blame others a lot, instead of assuming responsibility for our actions and misactions. It's only human! But I do firmly believe that we must reflect once in a while on our bad habits and catch ourselves when we are criticizing, judging, condemning and complaining too much; or using any other less-than-flattering attitudes. It's not healthy! It may only make us feel better temporarily, but will not bring us happiness in the long run. It will actually diminish who we are. How can people trust us if we are constantly criticizing and judging others? Our friends may wonder if we are doing the same with them. I've seen a great number of people doing this many times: gossiping and criticizing some of their so-called best friends with the rest of the world. If they are your friends, you really shouldn't do this. We must learn to be more understanding, compassionate, loving, forgiving and kind.

In trying to get along with others, and being accepted by others, we fall into these bad habits with ease. You may say: "Everyone does this, it's not a big deal!" Yes, many people do it, it is true! I've done it too. It is one of our most common weaknesses (to put others down, somehow). But we can change and be different! We can stand for our beliefs and values, and stop corrosive behaviors. I strongly feel that in order to become better persons, we must make it our challenge to stop all of our negative behaviors through "awareness." We must try our best to stop our negative attitudes and habits, and learn to develop more caring and loving ones, in order to "improve" ourselves. In the end, it will make us feel better (and others will feel better too) - I promise! We will develop more confidence (an increase in our self-esteem). In fact, to judge and criticize others too much is simply a sign of low self-esteem. We really don't feel that good about ourselves, so we have to put others down in order to feel better. Ironic, isn't it?

Let's appreciate others! Let's make them feel valuable and important! Let's be sincerely interested in who they are, what they like and what makes them tick. Let's empower them! Let's listen! Let's be grateful and graceful! Then like a boomerang this appreciation towards others will come back to us in positive ways: we will feel appreciated, loved, valued and really good, in general. It's part of being a person of good character and integrity. It takes work; maybe even a lifetime - but it is worth it! Carnegie's principle: "Give honest and sincere appreciation..." makes sense! And I add, it is up to us to make the best out of our lives and our relationship with others; it is up to us to create a peaceful world. Once we understand the concept that we are not that different from the rest of us, that we have a lot in common... we will get along better! We will be able to find peaceful ways to coexist.

Carnegie also said: "The person who really understands this craving for appreciation will also know how to make people happy." We can draw the best out of others instead of the worst. We should concentrate in the good (the beauty) not the bad (the ugly). Once we see people this way (with loving and kind eyes), our relationships will improve and we will find peace. So, in order to be happier, let's follow his advice: never condemn, criticize and complain!

[Of course this doesn't mean that I never condemn certain horrific acts committed by certain human beings: like the terrible recent shooting in Tuczon, Arizona, or the massacre at Virginia Tech in 2007, or the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, or so many other unexplainable acts committed by our fellow humans against others - especially against those who cannot defend themselves, like young children - and so many others (like the Holocaust). Any violation to our most basic human rights and acts against humanity, must be condemned. The hope is that we learn from these awful experiences and our tragic history to become stronger, and to "together" do something positive to help prevent acts like these from happening. There's a lot that our country and our world can do in order to promote peace and live in peace.]

Our Purpose

2010-10-15T10:04:00.036-04:00

"I wonder what life has in store for me, I think a painter is what I'll be. Mix the black with the white on the canvas of life. Create the artistry. The picture is HUMANITY..."
(Movie: The Prince of Egypt. Song: "Humanity" by Dream Works, LLC)

"What allows us, as human beings, to psychologically survive life on earth, with all of its pain, drama, and challenges, is a sense of purpose and meaning."

~ Barbara De Angelis

I've heard and read many times, especially now a days, that we all have "a purpose" in our life; that life must be "purposeful" if you want to be happy... . I've come to believe that too - I never thought about this when I was growing up - but now that I'm older, and hopefully wiser, this makes a lot of sense to me. Of course the trick is to find that purpose, that special mission we came here to accomplish. When we believe that there's is truly a purpose in what we do and purpose in our lives in general, we definitely feel better, we feel valuable, and more inspired to accomplish our goals and dreams; we feel happier overall - no matter what. We all face hard times and challenges, there are part of life; but if we feel there's a purpose, a reason why we are here and why we have to live certain experiences and trials - to learn important lessons - we start slowly finding "meaning" and learning to live life more fully. At the same time we must always keep in mind how important our attitude is to change our life for the better; the more positive we are, the better we can deal with our lessons and setbacks. I read somewhere once: "the journey can be difficult at times and we are constantly challenged to learn the lessons of the soul: courage, patience, faith, love... ." Yes, life is a challenge, but we can make it worthwhile.

The great Indian mystic and physician Patanjali said: "When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds; your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world... Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be."

There's a great article in the magazine "Art Calendar" titled "Living with an Abundance of Purpose" written by Renée Phillips (November 2010 issue) that stresses the importance of living life with purpose. She wrote: "People with an 'Abundance of Purpose' have a mission, a dream and a passion with which they can profoundly affect people around them, add significant quality to their own experiences and make the planet a better place." You can check: http://www.artcalendar.com/ - I love this magazine (great for the artist in all of us)! There are positive messages and good advice here, as well as in many other places, about this and other important issues and subjects; and I think we can all learn a lot from some of them. Search and you shall find; we can find inspiration everyday... somehow. We can find time to fuel our spirit. This is how I want to live my life, with passion, with purpose, with joy. When we feel we have a purpose, that we matter, we are somehow guided to find the right education, the right job, the right people, the right opportunities... exciting things happen and we feel more confident. Try it! We have to stop looking for excuses as to why we are in a rut and stop blaming others for our misfortunes. We must take responsibility for our own life!

You may say: "It's not easy to find or decide which is our purpose or what to do with our lives." I know, of course it's not easy. But with faith, optimism, passion, patience and a lot of perseverance; little by little we find a cause greater than ourselves, a special mission, and meaning in everything we do. There are many lessons to learn here on earth. I always say "life is like a school." Let's learn from our mistakes, embrace our inner strength, make the right choices for our life, put things in perspective and see the big picture, and let's get to know ourselves better - our talents, weaknesses, strengths, etc. Find your special gift or talent and put it into practice; especially, be of service to others (in some way) and you'll reap whatever you sow; you will be rewarded. Use your talents and skills for the good of humanity.

Some of the main things that at times limit us in our pursuit of happiness and purpose are our "busyness" and extreme "multitasking." These are epidemics in our world today. We tend to disconnect from others and even from ourselves; we become too distracted and lose ourselves in the process (and neglect the "important things"). We try to do too much and don't find enough time to reflect, write, read, pray, meditate and connect with others. Sometimes we feel we don't have a choice; but no matter how busy and distracted we are or get, we have to try to set priorities, manage our time properly, and not lose sight of our goals and dreams, and most importantly of the special people in our life (and our own specialness). Let's unclutter our lives and our minds. Let's simplify things a bit. Timing is everything!

Let's remember that: "Everyone has a purpose in life... a unique gift or special talent to give to others. And when we blend this unique talent with service to others, we experience ecstasy and exultation of our own spirit, which is the ultimate goal of all goals." This is the Law of Dharma. I read many things and don't limit my reading to a specific religion, philosophy or belief system, as long as the message is positive and resonates with my heart. I like to learn positive things from others. There are many beautiful lessons out there that help us find our special path or journey in this life. I hope you get inspired to find your own unique path and to find peace and happiness wherever you go. It's up to you!

"Indifference"

2010-08-18T15:22:00.004-04:00

"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference."
~ Elie Wiesel

Today I want to write about "indifference" - one of the biggest problems in this day and age. Indifference, according to the Webster Dictionary, means: "1. Lack of concern, interest, or feeling; apathy. 2. Lack of diligence, dedication and devotion. 3. Attitude and actions that say, 'I don't care!'" Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen said "our world is suffering from indifference! Indifference is APATHY, not caring..." Why is it that today so many people, young and old, just don't care about others and about themselves? They lack compassion, kindness, love, passion... They live like zombies or robots devoid of feelings. I'm a firm believer that one of the greatest lessons we must learn in this life is to LOVE (to love unconditionally): love others, love ourselves, love what we do; and even love what we have to do when we're not particularly thrilled about it (a job or certain situation in our lives) - because we know that is the means to a good end.

Life is not perfect, we are not perfect; but we must learn to be PASSIONATE! Passionate about life, passionate about what we do, passionate about making a difference, some how... We must take a stand when we see injustices, and we must learn to be in touch with our feelings. As a teacher, I unfortunately see, and know of, many students who lack "passion" and "dedication," and that show a great amount of "indifference." I hope we can motivate some of them (hopefully all of them) to care more about themselves, about others, and about their life (and the life of others)! It's really up to us to change our situations, to overcome obstacles, to improve ourselves, to become better persons and make a difference in our world - but it starts with us. Challenges will always exist; but we can face them straight on, embrace them, and eventually become stronger persons as we conquer them. Let's remember Mahatma Ghandi's words: "We must be the change we wish to see in the world."

How many times do we have to hear about people who stood still and did nothing when someone was in trouble? I know there are still many caring and compassionate people out there; but we must unite and spread the "caring" vibe so that others learn from us and stop the disease of indifference and selfishness. Stay positive! Do your best!

Be Strong... Stay Strong!

2010-06-20T21:54:00.003-04:00

How hard it is in this day and age to be just that... STRONG! Especially for girls. Of course I relate more to girls, since I'm a "girl" (hopefully wiser since I'm "older" now), I have two daughters and I teach only girls. I think it is hard, even today, to stay true to ourselves, to our values and beliefs, and not succumb to all the temptations out there; especially when girls feel the great need to "please" others and in doing so, many times they compromise their true feelings.

It is hard to remain strong when everyone around us is telling us to do something that is really against our better judgment - even though we know deep inside it is the wrong thing to do - and we prefer to pretend that it really isn't because "everyone is doing it." All we can really do as parents, teachers, friends, is to give advise and a good example (at least the best possible example we can give); and remind our daughters, students, and friends that it's essential to work on our self-esteem and to learn to believe in ourselves. Deep inside we know what's right and what's good for us; but so many times we choose not to do what our inner voice tells us for fear of not being accepted. So many times we prefer to please others and get attention (even if it's negative attention); instead of doing what we know is right, pleasing ourselves and our core values and morals.

Yes, being STRONG is hard. My only hope is that you learn to develop and cultivate enough life skills and principles to empower you and who you really are, and help you feel better about yourself because you remained strong and whole; because you didn't compromise your "authentic" self. Of course, we all make mistakes... and then, all we can do is learn from them and go on; remaining strong and committed to the improvement of ourselves - with optimism and a positive attitude, valuing our life and valuing LIFE in general.

Deep within our hearts...

2009-10-13T20:10:00.003-04:00

I love the following poem, which I read to my students today. The original poem was written by Edmund O'Neill. I added a couple of things to make it work better when reading it in my classes (in parentheses):

Deep within our hearts,
each (one) of us carries the seed
of a secret dream,
special and unique to each individual (I read: to each one of us).
Sometimes another person
can share that dream (with us)
and help it grow to fulfillment;
other times, the dream remains
a solitary pursuit, known only
to the seeker. But secret or shared,
no matter what it might be,
a dream is a potential which
should never be discouraged. For
each (one) of us also carries within ourselves
a light which can cause the seed
to grow and blossom into (a) beautiful reality...
that same light I've seen shine
so clearly in (all of) you.

(So, keep dreaming, keep believing, keep a rainbow in your heart!)

I hope you like it as much as I do...

Focus on the Positive

2009-05-28T20:02:00.027-04:00

It is so easy to concentrate on the "negative" stuff at times (or many times), that we must be watchful of our attitudes, conversations and thoughts in order to be able to change our "negative" outlook on life and feel happier. Every day, I hear many of my students complaining, whining, stating how much they "hate school," etc. etc. - that after a while it becomes very annoying, "draining" and distracting. To make it worse, complaining is contagious; right away you hear the other girls around them complaining too (and this also happens with the adults in the school - I also hear many teachers complaining). Of course we get frustrated some times, it's only human, but we have to make the effort to enjoy what we're doing (even if it's not our favorite thing to do or subject to study) in order to feel happy. We have to learn to love the things we have to do to accomplish our goals (at least learn to tolerate them); we have to stay focused on the "positive." If not, we will only make ourselves miserable and become our worst enemies. It's easy to complain and whine - but in doing so, we're projecting a "negative" image of ourselves to others (we're basically saying that we're a very unhappy or miserable person) and not many people will like to be around us. It is not the same to "express" ourselves than to "complain." Complaining evokes dissatisfaction and pain. We can certainly express ourselves without complaining.

Even when we have to endure the tough times in our lives, keeping a "positive" attitude becomes essential. It helps us to remember that challenging experiences will pass and make us stronger; that hope is always there, and friends and loved ones are always there as well. No matter how hard the trials become - "we will survive" and "this too shall pass." Challenges and trials are part of life - they're important lessons that teach us to become stronger persons. Our attitudes are our responsibility. We will always have the choice to be happy, optimistic and positive or unhappy, pessimistic and negative. It is really up to us! My suggestion: choose happiness and stop complaining! Embrace the positive! Learn to be strong!

And of course we have to learn to love -to love ourselves, to love others, to love life, to love God- in order to experience joy. Without love our lives are empty and meaningless. Learning to truly love, to become a "loving" individual, is our greatest challenge here on Earth. It's not easy to be "loving" all the time, which is natural; but we must try our best to choose love over fear, anger, hatred, resentments and other negative feelings and emotions, if we want to find peace.

One way to help us stay focused is to think of all the things we're grateful for in our lives - to count our blessings. Writing is also extremely important, in my opinion. It's important to learn to express ourselves (even if it's just in a blog like this one)! Write about your feelings and emotions, and try to analyze the reasons you're feeling a certain way. What is really behind that feeling? What is bothering you so much? Why are you so frustrated? Why are you so angry? What are you afraid of? How can you improve your situation? Are you just sleep-deprived? (Lack of sleep makes us moody and irritable). Or are you food-deprived? (If we don't eat well or don't eat enough our mental well-being is affected also). Concentrate in your good qualities, your talents, your goals and dreams, and keep working towards the fulfillment of these important objectives, milestones and plans for your life. Do this without "complaining" - focusing on the "positive." Yes, there are a lot of positive things in your life!

We also have to keep in mind that "negative" emotions will affect our health in a "negative" way (this has been proven already) - so we have to try our best to get rid of the anger, fear, frustration, worry, jealousy, anxiety, and other distressing and negative feelings and emotions we experience (the bad stuff that lurks within), if we want to feel better and get rid of stress. Stress is unhealthy and dangerous. Some experts recommend having a journal (or any notebook - even index cards will do...) where you can write about what bothers you, your feelings, your concerns and even about the things you're grateful for - positive things, accomplishments, successes, and the like, in your life. Others recommend therapy. Sometimes seeing an objective person like a psychologist will help you sort things out and their advice can be beneficial and inspirational (I worked in a Counseling Agency and became aware of the importance of "talking out" our problems and concerns). Talking with friends helps too. Others recommend "forgiveness" and prayer - it is essential to learn to forgive others for not being perfect and for having offended us; and even forgive ourselves for making mistakes and hurting others once in a while. Prayer can also bring us hope and peace, and a better understanding of how to improve our present situation (whatever it is). There's a lot of information out there - do your own research, read some of the great books available, and try your best to embrace an uplifting attitude no matter what! You'll see how quickly your life changes for the better and how quickly you attract more positive and happy people into your circle. You will undoubtedly feel better, in general, and will accomplish the things that are important to you a lot faster. Also, better opportunities will show up and it will become easier for you to find meaning and purpose in your life. Trust me!

Read my entries below ("See Beauty wherever you go" - April 25th, 2009 and "Keep Dreaming" - July 13th, 2008). Always have a dream in your heart! Also read Leo Buscaglia's books - they're great! He was one of the best teachers of "Love." Check him out at www.buscaglia.com.

POEM ON A CARD...

2009-05-25T17:06:00.001-04:00

Every day has a chance -
A chance to listen,
To speak.

To hear the call of opportunity -
With which to begin
A fresh start,
A great day.

A new experience -
To feel,
To live.

To touch the heart of another -
And through this
A chance to be open,
To be free,
A chance to be yourself.

See Beauty wherever you go...

2009-04-25T14:25:00.031-04:00

As I start to write this, I'm looking outside our family room's window and I see our cute fat groundhog eating a piece of bread. I threw out some bread earlier this morning for our guest birds or squirrels - and what do you know? Our groundhog got if first. Yes, we have a groundhog living under our shed. He's truly adorable! To see him standing on his hind legs eating this slice of bread is pretty awesome... What a beautiful animal! (Our groundhog looks like the one on the picture, but that one is not ours)

This brings me back to my title about the importance of seeing beauty wherever you go. Yes, we can easily concentrate only in the "negative stuff" and make ourselves miserable. Some people have the bad habit of doing this all the time - they only see the bad and ugly in everything; they complain too much and only focus on the "negative." It's like they enjoy "suffering." They become their own worst enemies. They have to always find something negative to talk about wherever they are, and set a negative tone that affects others. Others can sense their misery, their "doom" mentality, and most of the time they're not even aware that they're doing this. People cannot enjoy their company, because with their attitudes they drain their energy. Please don't become like that! We have to remember that we are responsible for our thoughts and our happiness! Happiness is a decision we MUST make; because it's very easy to make our lives miserable when we're not aware of our attitudes, thoughts and actions. We must learn to make the right decisions, in order to create more happiness for ourselves and those around us - instead of making bad choices that will affect us and others (especially those who love us) in a negative way. We should assume a more positive outlook on life if we want a better life!

Of course, like Marianne Williamson says (one of my favorite authors): "It's hard to stay loving in a loveless world." But, I'm confident that you (all of us) possess the inner strength necessary to accomplish great things - anything you set your mind to do. Like they say: "with God all things are possible" - because, believe it or not, God dwells within you. God is your inner strength that sustains you when times are tough! The power that can move mountains!

Stop finding excuses to make yourself, your life and others miserable, do not become your worst enemy or allow others to upset you - like so many people do. Find the strength, the faith, the optimism, the beauty, the positive in your life! Embrace happiness no matter what! See beauty wherever you go... Walk in nature and appreciate the beauty of the world, and do whatever it takes to become a positive person and not allow others to drag you down! Stop complaining - just do your best! You can do it! Then, you'll attract more interesting and like-minded positive people to you... "cool people."

I highly recommend Marianne Williamson's book: "The Gift of Change." It's a very uplifting and an excellent book, especially for those times of stress; when we have too much to do and feel a bit overwhelmed. It has beautiful lessons on how to transform your life and find love, joy and peace. I also recommend "Endless Light" by Rabbi David Aaron, to enrich your life and help you enjoy more meaningful relationships. You don't have to read these books in their entirety - you can just read a few sections to find the messages that are right for you... and remember that as you see yourself - you will see your world. So, see yourself as the truly beautiful being you are and then you'll be able to see the beauty in this world, your world!

The Art of Making Decisions

2009-02-27T22:06:00.032-05:00

One thing we constantly have to do in our lives is make decisions; from deciding what to wear, how to fix our hair, what to eat for breakfast to more important decisions, like what are we going to do with our lives, what college are we going to attend, which career are we going to pursue, how will we accomplish our goals and dreams. We have to learn the art of decision-making. Decision making skills are also a key component of time management skills.

To become proficient in this decision-making process, we should consider the following:

1. Quiet the Mind: Let’s find the time for “quiet time,” to pay attention to our thoughts, to listen to our spirit (what Elizabeth Lesser called in her book “The Seeker’s Guide” – our inner angel). Learn to listen to the wisdom of your heart, your spirit and your body – for a deeper understanding about how to live your best life. Find time for silence, reflection and prayer. Find time for God. Get in touch with your inner feelings and emotions. Learn to be calm amidst confusion and chaos.

2. Open your Heart and Mind: Learn to forgive yourself for being human, and forgive your parents, teachers, bosses, relatives, friends and others for also being human. Remember that no one is perfect. Connect with others with an open mind and an open heart – we all need others to encourage us and to teach us many lessons (yes! we learn something from everyone).

3. Know your Needs and Wants: Needs are different than Wants. Try to discover what you really need in your life to make you feel happy and at peace; and also try to find out what you really want in your life, the important “wants,” while recognizing the difference between your needs and your wants. Get in touch with what you really love to do and take in consideration your values, your talents, your goals and your dreams. Set priorities, and above all, want good things for yourself! Remember that your thoughts, intentions and actions are important to create your life.

4. Be Considerate, Empathetic and Respectful: When making decisions in your life you should always consider how they affect others. Learn to be more understanding, sensitive to and aware of the feelings of others. Our actions, no matter what these are, have repercussions. Major decisions will have an impact, not only in your life, but also in the life of those persons who love you and care about you. Not taking others in consideration is a sign of selfishness and arrogance. Act responsibly and respect them!

5. Develop a Healthy Self-Esteem: You are stronger than you think! You have the ability to work on your self-confidence and your self-esteem by improving yourself, developing self-awareness, learning new skills, becoming a responsible person, keeping a positive outlook on life, achieving success (your definition of success) in many areas of your life, and learning not to take things so personally and so seriously. Keep in mind that we all make mistakes, so don’t judge yourself and others so harshly – just learn from your mistakes and always do your best!

Ultimately, you are the only one responsible for your life. Learn to make the right decisions, and make your life HAPPY - while finding balance, meaning and fulfillment, no matter what! It's really all UP TO YOU! Don't keep finding excuses... Don't keep blaming others for your downfalls... Even when you encounter difficult circumstances and lessons in your life, you have the inner resources to be strong, to remain positive and to know that "this too shall pass." You always have the power to accomplish great things! Check: www.teensselfhelp.com/Self-Esteem.html.

Puffing Away

2008-09-20T22:54:00.022-04:00

I know it's hard for non-smokers to understand how addictive cigarettes can be, and how satisfying it is for smokers. I'm a non-smoker. I know that smokers feel urgent needs and cravings to smoke cigarettes, since nicotine is so highly addictive. I know cigarettes are stimulants and some people even consider them a calming force. Like any other drug (once the user is "addicted") cigarettes become a necessity. Smokers cannot live without them and it's extremely hard to quit - cigarettes end up literally controlling their lives. They're certainly not the ones in control!

I know there are many studies proving the toxicity of cigarettes (just like the dangers of drugs). Smoking is definitely hazardous to your health, and the dangers of smoking are serious. More than 400,000 people die every year in the US due to cigarette-related diseases. They have also estimated that more than 4 million Americans smoke. A smoker inhales a substance containing 43 cancer-causing (carcinogenic) compounds, besides four hundred other toxins including nicotine and tar. Nicotine is highly addictive. Tar clogs the lungs and inhibits the body's capacity to breathe; it causes lung and throat cancer, heart disease, emphysema, bronchial and lung disorders.

Many states are banning smoking in public places; and I feel this is only fair for non-smokers, since it's been proven that second-hand smoke is very damaging. But despite all the findings and all the advertisements confirming the dangers of "smoking", many people, especially young people, are still choosing to smoke. I know, someone might say: "it is their choice, live and let live..." and in many ways I agree with this; but I also feel that we have the responsibility, as parents, teachers, friends, aunts and uncles, to give our children and others a good example. Besides, we have to learn to be strong and not allow the cigarette companies to brain-wash us. Have you seen some of the advertisements lately? They show very healthy-looking happy young people, in great physical shape and with perfectly clean teeth, smoking. Who are they kidding? I guess many fools...

I assume that some see it as a way to be like the REST, to be accepted, to be cool... Maybe they like to be "copycats". Others have an "addictive" personality and this is the addiction they picked (basically). They are too weak to say NO to cigarettes (like some are too weak to say NO to drugs, or NO to alcohol). The sad thing is that when teens start smoking, their health is affected negatively right away. The ingredients and additives in cigarettes when burned, create toxic, harmful chemical compounds; there are over 4000 chemicals in cigarette smoke, more than 40 of them are known carcinogens - and I also understand that they are even more addictive now compared to 20 or so years ago.

The lungs of teenagers aren't fully developed yet, and smoking will certainly damage them. And yet, despite all this information - which is available everywhere - many teens still choose to smoke. Why? I ask myself this question many times. Some people would say they're just plain STUPID! Others may say for teens becoming an adult means to be "free" to do "whatever I want" (like smoking, drinking alcohol, doing drugs, and embracing destructive behaviors). Maybe they're right in many ways, but in my opinion they're mostly weak, sensitive and have a low self-esteem. They don't know how to respect themselves and their bodies! Also, they don't have a strong support system and it's easy to fall for it. Maybe many of their friends smoke and they feel the pressure to do it too. Maybe their own parents smoke, so they're just following their example (and since they've been inhaling the smoke of their parent's cigarettes for so long they have the uncontrollable need to smoke too). They are many reasons, I'm sure... and since cigarettes are highly addictive, like I said before, once you start smoking (for whatever reason) the chances are you'll have an extremely hard time trying to quit.

The sad thing is that a great number of students (in elementary schools, high schools and colleges) are lighting up every day. Many are very addicted already and sadly they are spending a great deal of money buying these cigarettes (what a waste!) It is really sad... and I don't even want to mention here the many other highly addictive substances and drugs that teens and adults are using and experimenting with just to get "high" - how sad! The cigarette companies want you to smoke, the liquor companies want you to drink, the drug cartels and drug dealers want you to do drugs - stop making them rich! Think about your health, your loved ones, and your future! Think about the pain you're inflicting on your loved ones and stop being so selfish!

I can only hope that more places, including private colleges, start creating more smoke-free zones and that more teens and other smokers realize how dangerous and stupid it really is to smoke. Your life and your health should be your top priorities, please don't choose to smoke! Be strong and don't smoke! When you think about it, it is really STUPID to do it!

Good news: very recently Pennsylvania's state-owned universities banned smoking anywhere on campus, including outdoors - action that has sparked protests by some of the 110,000 students in the State System of Higher Education. More than 130 colleges and universities across the country already have such policies.

Check: http://www.redcross.org/services/hss/tips/smoking.html

Cell Phone Abuse

2008-07-31T19:23:00.009-04:00

Are you bothered by the lack of consideration of some people when they use their cell phone indiscriminately? When they almost yell (or speak extremely loud) while they're next to you talking to someone on their cell phones? When you're subjected to someone else's private conversations (on a cell phone) and have to hear them cursing and using bad language, or speaking about very private matters?

I am! I am starting to become very annoyed by the lack of respect and consideration of others; specially when it comes to cell phone use (or abuse). Sort of like when you're driving, waiting on a stop sign or traffic light, and next to your car there's someone playing extremely loud music (I mean LOUD!) They're basically saying: I don't care about you, I don't give a darn if I bother you, I can do whatever I please - in fact I love to annoy you! Wherever you go now-a-days you hear people's loud cell phone ring-tones (with all kinds of strange and irritating songs) disrupting your peace; and then you're subjected to their annoying conversations. You lose your concentration and you feel irritated by their lack of concern. Cell phone abuse is becoming an epidemic in this world, unfortunately, and it's affecting millions of men, women and children. It's adding to our daily stress and it's just confirming that many cell phone users are becoming more inconsiderate, rude and selfish when they violate common decency.

It's not that I don't appreciate my cell phone. I use it when I have to get in touch with my daughters or others when I'm not at home (my husband doesn't have a cell phone - he refuses to buy one); but I usually use it in my parked car. I don't use it while I'm driving - it's very distracting - and if I answer it when I'm in public, I lower my voice and tell the caller I'll call him/her later. I never use it when someone else is with me; or if I'm in my workplace, a restaurant or small public place. I try my best to use it privately, where I don't bother others with my conversation. If I have to use it in public, I speak very quietly and keep the conversation as short as possible - always trying not to disturb others.

Recently, I was in a diner with my youngest daughter, and a man sitting across from us carried on a long and loud conversation during his entire meal, while his wife (or companion) was sitting in front of him. He ate his whole meal, including dessert while talking on his cell phone and ignoring her completely (as if she didn't exist!) It was really pretty rude and annoying. She should have said something to him; that was very disrespectful. I also feel that the restaurant's manager or host should have said something as well. We also recently saw a couple walking in Pennypack Park, one behind the other, and each one using their cell phones, completely ignoring one another and oblivious to the beautiful nature that surrounded them, what a waste! I've also seen mothers very engrossed on their cell phone conversations, while their little child or children are walking behind them and they're not even paying attention to their children or aware if they're still following them... sad!

Another modern trend is for high school and college students (maybe even elementary school students) to text message their friends while in class. Very disrespectful! Everything is considered boring and everyone is constantly "multitasking." They're not fully present in class - they're not fully present in their life. My advise is: use your cell phone with some discrimination, considering the right of others to have some peace and quiet, or to receive your undivided attention when they're spending some time with you or trying to teach you something.

Use some common sense, some common courtesy, and try your best not to become too annoying with your cell phone. I know that "text messaging" can become very addictive. Try to recognize if "texting" or the use of your cell phone is distracting you too much from important things and events in your life. Remember: you don't have to do what everyone else does! Take time to see your friends and speak to them in person - spend some great quality time together. Take time to just be, to pay attention to what's happening around you, to be present in your life...

Keep Dreaming...

2008-07-13T17:34:00.016-04:00

I've always been a "dreamer".

I always dream about the

exciting things (experiences)

to come.

I do believe that we have to

concentrate in the present -

our present moment,

our present day -

and not live in the past

or the future; but it's important

to keep dreaming...

It's essential to keep dreaming...

Don't ever forget to

KEEP DREAMING!

Dreams...

Don't ever stop dreaming your dreams
they're a very essential part of you
Do whatever you can to make them
a reality by the course you take,
the plans you make and all the things you do
Don't dwell on past mistakes
Leave yesterday behind you
along with any of its problems, worries and doubts
Do realize you can't change the past,
but just ahead is the future
and you can do something about it
Don't try to accomplish everything at once -
life can be difficult enough
without adding frustration to the list
Do travel one step at a time
and reach for one goal at a time;
that's the way to find out what
real accomplishment is
Don't be afraid to do the impossible,
even if others don't think you'll succeed
Do remember that history is filled
with the incredible accomplishments
of those who were foolish enough to believe
Don't forget that there are so many things
that are wonderful, rare and unique
about you
And...
Do remember that if you can search within
and find a smile,
that smile will always be a reflection
of the way people feel about you...
(Author Unknown)

Always have a dream...

Forget about the days

when it's been cloudy,

but don't forget your hours in the sun.

Forget about the times

you've been defeated,

but don't forget the victories you've won.

Forget about the mistakes

that you can't change now,

but don't forget the lessons you've learned.

Forget about the misfortunes

you've encountered,

but don't forget the times

your luck has turned.

Forget about the days

when you've been lonely,

but don't forget the friendly smiles you've seen.

Forget about the plans

that didn't seem to work out right,

but don't forget to always have a dream.

(Author Unknown)

So,
Keep dreaming
Keep believing
Keep a rainbow
in your heart...

IT'S UP TO YOU
TO MAKE YOUR DREAMS
COME TRUE!

IT'S UP TO YOU
TO MAKE YOUR LIFE
HAPPY!

Cynicism

2008-05-22T21:35:00.009-04:00

"Cynicism is a belief in nothing. You’ve already met cynics, I’m sure" (I used to work with one): "They’re those people who tell you they see things how they really are, and that things are really rotten. They believe that no one is sincere, and that everyone has secret, selfish reasons for the things they do." That everyone is out there to get them, to take advantage of them - everyone has a hidden agenda. They don't trust others. "They’ll tell you that everything is rigged against you and no one means what they say. The world, according to the cynic, is a cold and cruel place…" They are very negative people. And, thank God, they are wrong! DO NOT BELIEVE A CYNIC! DO NOT BECOME A CYNIC!

Cynics also complain a lot, sometimes to the point where they drive you crazy. You can feel their negativity. The problem is that cynicism and complaining (like gossiping) are contagious. Have you ever notice how sometimes, even when you don't want to, you also end up participating in conversations where your friends, co-workers or relatives are criticizing and gossiping about others, or complaining about this and that...? It's easy to be weak, and hard to be strong and embrace our beliefs and moral convictions.

Remember: "People who are cynical, or jaded, make their own lives cold and miserable - because they lack courage." They don’t trust anyone and they only see the bad side of everyone and everything. They pretend that they like you – when they really don’t. They have self-esteem problems, so they only see their own faults in others (since others become mirrors of who we really are). They are sarcastic and self-centered, and the trouble is, they don't even realize it.

It takes courage to believe in things, to believe in people, to believe in God; sometimes things will disappoint you, sometimes people will let you down, sometimes we wonder about God’s plan for us. But, no matter what: don’t lose your FAITH… To have faith is to risk having your heart broken, and the cynic isn’t willing to take that risk. Be strong and take the risk!

(Inspired by an article written by Philip Van Munching)

FORGIVENESS

2008-04-18T14:39:00.053-04:00

Why hold on to resentments, anger and frustration - when we can forgive...?

Sheri Rosenthal and Susyn Reeve wrote: "Any time you feel resentment or regret toward yourself or another, it's time to forgive. When you are plagued by a circumstance from the past, it's time to forgive. When you believe you're right and someone else is wrong it's time to forgive. When you are criticizing, blaming and making demands of yourself or others, it's time to forgive… with forgiveness there is compassion, true freedom from emotional pain, reconciliation between people, unconditional love and world peace.

When we finally let go of the judgment we hold of ourselves and others, we'll no longer have anything to forgive. Only when we judge is it necessary to forgive.

Compassion and forgiveness are unconditional love in action."

Check: http://www.withforgiveness.com/, http://withforgiveness.com/library.html and http://www.withforgivenessmovie.com/.

Are we really being forgiving? Are we really loving unconditionally? Do we even know how to forgive? Do we really know how to love? Do we feel we're always right? (and others always wrong?) Why are we holding on to resentments, anger and other negative emotions? Why? Why do we feel so hurt?

Are we too proud? Are we too sensitive? Are we too insecure? Are we taking things too personally? Are we assuming things that may not be true? Are we too critical and judgmental? We all have our emotional "pain buttons" -or "sensitive buttons"- that some people can easily touch (figuratively speaking). We have to learn to be aware of our feelings and emotions and learn to let go of all the negative stuff that plague us and create havoc in our lives. We have to learn to "feel" our negative feelings; to experience, acknowledge, embrace and accept them. Only then, will we be able to let go of them and heal emotionally. We are all humans, after all, we all make mistakes, and we still have a lot to learn. Let's be more gentle with others and more gentle with ourselves. Let's be more accepting of others. Let's learn to forgive others and forgive ourselves... Please check: www.teensselfhelp.com/Forgiveness.html for more on "Forgiveness."

"True forgiveness begins with our willingness to look inside ourselves, and identify the thoughts that we are having which are causing our pain and suffering." (S. Rosenthal and S. Reeves)

Forgiveness is an act of self-love and respect. Forgiving is reconciling with ourselves, is letting go of harmful feelings and emotions, is embracing love -the love we deserve- and all the positive feelings and emotions that come from love and forgiveness - peace, happiness, compassion, patience, understanding, kindness... It is simply to "surrender."

We are not cowards when we surrender, all the contrary, we are very strong; because it takes guts to come to terms with our own weaknesses and imperfections and to recognize that everyone else's faults are our faults (or potential faults) as well. Some times we recognize in others our own imperfections, our own humanity. We can only forgive others when we know how to forgive ourselves. Besides, saying "I am sorry" is the greatest expression of love there is... "I am sorry if I offended you," "I am sorry if I hurt your feelings - that was not my intention."

Yes, pride gets in the way. Pride, stubbornness and our "ego." Let's remember that no one is perfect. So forgive for your own good! It is not a sign of weakness! If anything, it is a sign of how strong and loving you are. Surrender your ego... because forgiving is liberating!

Forgiveness is a choice - the best choice!

"Perhaps one key to forgiveness is accepting responsibility for my feelings, rather than holding others accountable for them."

"Forgiveness is letting go of blame.
Forgiveness is release from fear.
Forgiveness entails emotional honesty."

"As I surrender the ego, I let the God within and without, of which I am a part, take charge instead of my little ego. To surrender is to allow the True Self to take over and to trust in that connection with the Divine in the universe."
~ Henry Grayson, Ph.D. ("Mindful Loving")

"Recognize that all our relationships can be powerful mirrors, reflecting back to us what we need to learn. Recognize that we are spiritual beings, not limited to our human form and emotions, but connected to the unlimited oneness of the universe."
~ Shakti Gawain ("On the Path of Transformation")

"Anything that you think you are guilty of can be cleaned and purified with forgiveness... Once you forgive yourself and others, the guilt is no longer yours to keep. We do not deserve guilt; we deserve forgiveness. When we learn this lesson, we are truly free."
~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross & David Kessler ("Life Lessons")

The Secrets of a Happy Life

2008-03-12T21:20:00.018-04:00

THE SECRETS TO A HAPPY LIFE ARE TO:

Love.

FORGIVE.

Know God.

Work hard.

Be healthy.

Be positive.

Be of service.

Do your best.

Love your life.

Accept what is.

Have no regrets.

Be free of worry.

Appreciate others.

Have peace of mind.

Not assume anything.

Get along with others.

Do the things you love.

See the best in people.

Not take life so seriously.

Not take things personally.

Love others unconditionally.

Watch a spectacular sunset.

Be happy with who you are.

Take deep breaths and relax.

Look at the brighter side of life.

Choose peace in every situation.

Love what you do, whatever it is.

Never lose your sense of wonder.

Create harmony wherever you go.

Have no desires, only preferences.

Be grateful for your many blessings.

Not worry about pleasing everyone.

Be yourself and listen to your heart.

Take time to "stop and smell the roses."

Realize that you create your own happiness.

Take responsibility for the reality you create.

Be passionate about your life and possibilities.

Not compare your life with the lives of others.

Appreciate nature and the beauty of the world.

Stay awake and honor your own inner knowing.

Do whatever you do with all your heart and soul.

Be kind, compassionate, understanding and patient.

Stay true to yourself and to your beliefs with and open-mind.

Live, love, strive, drive and survive with every fiber of your being.

Surround yourself with positive people who you love and make you

smile.

Not blame others, but take responsibility for the bad times as well as the

good.

Never forget what it's like to be able to look at the world through the

eyes of a child.

Stand on top of a real high place on a sunny day and marvel at the

wonder before you.

Know yourself; because when you know yourself, you can love yourself,

and when you love yourself,

you will come to love everyone and everything around you…

you will love life and you will know God.

There's a Song in your Heart

2008-02-29T09:36:00.015-05:00

There's a song in your heart
A unique song...
Hidden, but very present
Search for it
Find it
Discover it
Get in touch with it
Hear it
Embrace it
Sing it
Only you can hear it
Only you can sing it
Don't copy someone else's
Find your own unique song
Just listen...
You have magic in you
BELIEVE IT!
(K. Feld 02/29/08)

Matthew Stepanek wrote in "Heartsongs":
"If you believe you can be happy
Then you, too, will hear your song..."

HAPPINESS...

2007-12-02T20:21:00.001-05:00

In "The Power of Positive Thinking" (a great book!) Norman Vincent Peale asks: "Who decides whether you shall be happy or unhappy?" Then he states: "The answer is – you do!"

So, what is the secret of happiness? There’s really no secret. When you wake up every morning you basically have two choices: to be happy or to be unhappy… YOU can choose to be happy! You can choose to have a positive attitude! Then things in general will work better for you and your days will seem brighter (even rainy days). You and only you are responsible for your own happiness, no matter what!

Abraham Lincoln said that people were just as happy as they made up their minds to be. You can be unhappy if you want to be unhappy. It is the easiest thing in the world to accomplish. You can easily manufacture your own unhappiness! If you go around telling yourself that things aren’t going well, that nothing is satisfactory, that everyone is a pain, that you hate your life, etc., you can easily make your life miserable!

But if you say to yourself: things are going great! Life is good. I choose happiness… and you truly appreciate your life and the people in it; then, you will be making a better choice.

Today, think of all the things that make you happy and do some of them. Smile often, laugh often, pay attention to your thoughts and attitudes, don’t complaint too much, don’t criticize others or yourself so much; and above all just LOVE YOUR LIFE and expect the best! Make it a habit to be happy. It is up to you! Check: http://successfulliving.digitalpubfor.me/ and read the article "The Beautiful Ordinary" by Brendan Harrington (mentioning Robert Holden's latest book "Be Happy"). Robert Holden, Ph.D. also wrote the bestselling book "Happiness Now" - which I highly recommend.

Today is My Day...

2007-10-23T21:28:00.000-04:00

Today my thoughts are centered on expecting only the best and giving only the best.

Today my mind and heart are open to new opportunities and I make the most out of every situation.

Today I will smile and act enthusiastically in everything I do.
I will make every person I meet feel very important and I will show them that I care.

Today my confidence is high and I am willing to step out and take a chance.
I speak freely to all those I meet.
I know I have something valuable to contribute.
I expect results today and my time is well invested.

Today I am one step closer to achieving my goals and dreams.
I always keep my eyes focused on success and prosperity.

Today I will sow good seeds so that I will reap my harvest of rewards.

Today is my day! (Author Unknown)

"Taking Chances"

2007-10-01T21:22:00.000-04:00

They say that life is about taking chances... the truth is that we only fully live if we learn to take chances. Fear can paralyze us and stop us from accomplishing our dreams and goals. But how do we become fearless? How do we learn to take chances?

Emerson wrote: "Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain." Sometimes we just have to face fear face to face and just take a chance. We have to learn to believe in ourselves and become confident individuals. But how do we acquire "confidence"? That, of course, may take a while. We become confident through our accomplishments and achievements; when we learn to appreciate our gifts and talents; when we know that no matter what we deserve the best. We gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which we stop to look fear in the face... We must do that which we think we cannot do. We believe that there's a power greater than ourselves and that we have inner resources to help us get in touch with that amazing power. When we embrace that power we feel that we can do anything!

Of course we have to be realistic at times; but we have to have the confidence to keep trying, to never give up and to always go after our dreams. We have to learn to "listen to our heart" - to follow our gut feeling... our intuition. If we believe, we can accomplish great things! Stay positive, know that things will always work out for the best and that every experience is a learning experience, and keep moving confidently in the direction of your deepest desires. If your intentions, your thoughts and your actions are good - you will be rewarded.

So take a chance or two and go after a new relationship, a new job, a new experience. Don't complain and focus on your dreams and plans, helping people along the way, embracing happiness, being grateful and doing your very best... You'll be surprised at the results! But, first of all, ACT!

Check: http://www.teensselfhelp.com/YouAreWorthIt.html

"Breaking Up"

2007-08-18T20:38:00.001-04:00

There are times in our life when we have to start "a new beginning;" when we have to move on, learn from the past and go on with our journey. Is it painful? Of course it is! Any change is difficult; especially when we have invested a lot of time in something, or with someone, that meant a lot to us (a career, a relationship, a job, a hobby, etc.)

We are human after all; we grow, we change, we are flexible and open-minded at times or inflexible and close-minded, we make mistakes, we get hurt, we meet new people, we find new opportunities, we discover a new passion or interest, we learn something new, we are imperfect and we change, we change, we change...

The important things are: to not hold on to negative feelings (like anger, resentments, fear, anxiety); to try to let go of the past; to always remember the good and happy times; to not blame ourselves; to embrace the beautiful memories and the lessons learned; to forgive others; to appreciate how the experiences we lived helped us become better persons; to be thankful for having had some great times; and even to be thankful for having had some bad and sad times, that taught us to become stronger human beings.

Why are we so unpredictable? I guess the answer is that we are only HUMAN; full of frailties, full of weaknesses, full of insecurities, full of particularities, full of our own "uniqueness;" and sometimes, just pain in the... We all need to develop "strength" to face new beginnings, new challenges, new problems in our life. Our needs change, our feelings change, our dreams change. That's how we are.

Give yourself time to think. Where did I go wrong? Where did I fail? What were my positive contributions? Where did I excel? What did I learn? What did I learn about myself? How can I do better next time? What did I learn about others? How can I improve my relationship with others? How can I connect with others better? How can I improve as a person? What will make me happy? How can I make others happy? Know your weaknesses and your strengths, so that you can work on becoming a better person, one day at a time. Get to know yourself better! We are constantly learning; relationships are a great learning experience!

Any relationship is a "give and take" situation and we have to learn to compromise... It's not only what we want, it's sharing with others (sharing our life with others - not an easy task!) Allowing others to express themselves and expressing ourselves; allowing others to be free and being and feeling free ourselves; working "together" to improve our lives and to find happiness...

Many times we act in selfish ways - we put ourselves first. We have to learn to find "balance" in our relationships and in everything we do, and always consider the needs of others. Life is not just about us. Life is always a balancing act. And yes, dealing with people can be very difficult; just as it's difficult to deal with ourselves. Let's give others a break and give ourselves a break! Let's create more love in all areas of our life - school, work, home, friendships, all kinds of relationships, etc. Let's stop blaming others for our problems... We are ultimately responsible for our own lives. Our actions, our intentions, our thoughts create our reality.

May you find happiness in your life, may you find love, may you find peace; may you learn to accept others as they are and not expect too much from them; may you learn to stop complaining; may you embrace positive feelings; may you learn to be humble; may you learn to love yourself; may you open your arms to new experiences in your life; may you continue your journey full of hope, optimism and faith; may you never give up; may you always give love a chance, no matter what - even if loving means suffering at times; may you always find new energy to start all over again, and again, and again; may you learn to forgive others... and above all: may you love again! These are my wishes for all of you who are experiencing heartaches or new challenges in your life. Remember: you deserve all the happiness in the world! It's up to you to make your life happy! It's up to you to create and find only good things in your life... Follow your dreams... Believe in yourself!

Check: http://www.lovingyou.com/content/advice/breakup/, http://teenadvice.about.com/od/factsheetsforteens/, and http://www.personal-development.com/chuck/broken-heart-pain.htm - all with great advice.

It's Okay to be like an Onion...

2007-06-26T22:27:00.000-04:00

Why is it that most of us are always expecting "perfection" when we are not perfect ourselves? Why are we so demanding of others, our friends, our spouses, our children, our co-workers? Why are we so critical and judgmental? Let's remember: we are only human, we still have a lot to learn. Isn't that what life is all about? Learning?

We want our life to be perfect, our parents to be perfect, our teachers to be perfect, everyone to be perfect! Well, this is unrealistic and will never happen! What we have to do is to learn to accept people as they are, with their imperfections, their shortcomings, their particularities, their faults; and concentrate in their qualities, their goodness, their talents. We have to learn to love ourselves with our imperfections and others with theirs. Of course, some people are like "onions" - they stink! (just kidding...) We have to peel their layers to get to their core, to find their best side - their true self.

Some people hide their true beauty with layers of resentments, pain, anger, fear, insecurities. They build a wall around themselves to try to protect themselves, because they've been hurt many times (they're in pain) and cannot let anyone in (or have a very hard time letting anyone in). They have the hard task to learn to TRUST again. How can they trust us? All we can do is to keep trying, be very patient, kind, respectful, honest and very loving, and just let them BE...

Let's see the best in them and the BEST will come out, their true CORE. It's okay to be an "onion", as long as we don't become too repelling and offensive. Let's strive to be more like a delicious refreshing fruit (the fruit of your choice!) - attractive, beautiful, healthy and good for everyone (and to everyone). I actually love onions now (I used to hate them). I love them in my salads and in many different foods - like "pico de gallo", salsa, French onion soup, onion rings, cheese steak sandwiches, etc. They say onions are very good for you... so be good to them!

"Strong as a Dandelion"

2007-05-10T18:09:00.000-04:00

Have you ever noticed those small yellow flowers all over green lawns? The very sturdy, long living, annoying to many, and yet, beautiful dandelions… Dandelions spread further, are more difficult to exterminate than most “weeds”, and grow under the most adverse circumstances. Most gardeners detest them; but the more you try to dig them up, the faster they grow. Their root is deep, twisted, and brittle; unless you remove it completely, it will regenerate. If you break off more pieces than you unearth, the dandelion wins. Amazing little plants indeed! They’re very versatile too: its leaves are edible and great additions to salads (believe it or not!) or they can be sautéed or steamed. You can also eat dandelion flowers and use them for wine. Even its roots are edible; dandelion roots can be eaten just like carrots and are also a very popular herbal remedy. Unlike most other seeds, dandelions can germinate without long periods of dormancy and the seeds can develop without cross-fertilization, so a flower can fertilize itself; which allows the plant to disperse its seeds as early as the day after the flower opens. Wow! Each seed has like a tiny parachute of sorts, which helps the seeds "fly" long distances, where they can settle and start a new plant.

These dandelions are amazing little plants (I almost want to say "creatures"). They remind me of how resilient, strong and persistent some people can be; even after experiencing tragedies and hard times in their lives. The word "dandelion" would be a good analogy when referring to someone’s inner strength and character: “that person is as strong as a dandelion.” A person with dandelion characteristics is a strong, determined, patient, resilient person; someone who never gives up, even when the going gets tough, and after being knocked down many times (by people or by life itself). She gets up quickly when she falls - nothing keeps her down.

So let’s learn from the incredible dandelions. Let’s learn to become strong like them; stubborn at times, determined to reach our goals and dreams, resilient and brave, and establishing deep roots in the soil of humanity.

"The Invisible"

2007-04-23T15:06:00.000-04:00

I haven't written in a while. It's amazing how busy we can get at times. I'm tired of being so busy all the time and yet, I'm looking forward to my Summer Vacation. I love what I do, I love where I work, I love my students... but being a perfectionist is a problem for me. I have to stop myself from doing so much at times, and from accepting more and more jobs, more and more responsibilities. I guess this is why I love to read inspirational books, messages and poems; they slow me down (as well as praying and finding time to reflect.) It's almost like my spirit wants to do so much, but my body cannot keep up.

Sometimes I wonder if it is that I have a need to please others. Maybe that's the case, I'm not sure. I always felt that it was hard to please my father and I, maybe unconsciously, was always trying to please him and show him what a good student and good person I could be. Who knows? The mysteries of ones mind.

I've been very sad and angry about what happened in Blacksburg, Virginia (at Virginia Tech.) It's hard to believe that someone can hold so much anger and hatred inside, and then finally explode and commit such an abominable act. An "invisible" person, that's how some of his classmates described him. He chose to be invisible, though. He chose his life of silence. He could have been different. He could have chosen not to take things so personally, not to be so angry, not to hold on to resentments and only see the bad in others. He had a choice! He could have sought help (there are many good professionals out there willing to help others.) He could have made a difference in this world, instead of creating such chaos and heartache, instead of becoming a time bomb ready to explode at any minute. It is very sad! Seung-Hui Cho chose to become a criminal at the end. He will remain "invisible"; because criminals should remain "invisible"... we should never give them the chance to become famous or important.

He probably thought this was the way to become "someone" (obviously he struggled with self-esteem problems, was not at peace with himself and had no moral or spiritual values), but in the end he just remained "invisible"; because we won't allow him to become a celebrity or a martyr. We may pitty him, we may hate his actions, we may even forgive him, and we will never forget his victims and the pain he caused to their families and to his own family; but we will not allow him to become "someone" because he doesn't deserve it. He will remain "invisible" because that is what he chose - to be a non-entity. He didn't believe in his worth. If others didn't care it's because he expected them not to care; he didn't make any effort to be liked, to show concern for others, to become a loving and compassionate person. In his sick mind, he believed everyone hated him, everyone was against him...

Of course, mental illness was the biggest threat in this case (and in many others); we have to find ways to help people like him, so out of touch with reality. Schools, colleges, the government and others should do something to spot the "problem" or "dangerous" students by listening to those concerned. By keeping strict records and making them available to health care professionals and the court system; and to stop worrying so much about the rights of the criminally insane - the criminally "invisible" people like Seung-Hui Cho.

"Hidden Feelings"

2007-02-14T17:12:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it seems that many people in this world hide their true feelings - most of the time. They keep secrets and many feelings well hidden deep inside. Today I read some beautiful and interesting poems, written by young teens; one of them written by one of my oldest daughter’s former friends. A powerful poem in “TeenSpeak – Philadelphia” at http://www.teenspeakusa.com, great place for teens to speak up, write, and express themselves; check it out! The truth is that as parents, teachers, aunts, uncles, friends, we don’t take the time to truly listen to others; or to ask about their feelings – to really connect with them. As a teacher and a mother I think I can sense pretty well when my daughters and students are happy or sad, angry or upset about something, and when they just don’t feel right. I personally try my best to ask how they feel and to make them express themselves. But I’m not always successful at this; it’s hard for many people to be able to honestly communicate how they feel. We just have to keep trying. We have to make time to allow others to express themselves and talk about their feelings; to break that invisible barrier and allow others to open up and talk. Or to make others understand how important it is to speak up and write about their true feelings.

Feelings should not be bottled up inside; whether positive or negative we have to let them out. We have to learn to express ourselves; whether we write in a journal or diary, in a blog, in a piece of paper or an index card or whether we talk to our best friends, a counselor, our parents, our teachers. I recommend both ways: writing and talking. Take the time to express yourself! You may have to watch a little less TV, play fewer computer or video games, listen to a little less music or spend less time searching the Internet or instant-messaging your friends; whatever you have to do to take time for yourself and pay attention to how you feel, and how others feel. Time to reflect, time to be creative, time to be yourself! And also time to listen (to really listen to our friends and be there for them and others).

Reading many of these poems I came to realize that everyone carries a lot of pain inside. No matter what; no matter how young or old you are, no matter how happy someone appears to be, no matter how much their parents support and love them, no matter how lucky they seem to be; there’s always hidden pain, feelings of being inadequate, not good enough, not pretty or attractive enough, angry feelings, hidden resentments, and many fears. It seems that how others feel about us affect us too. We sense other people’s feelings, their insecurities, anger, jealousy, resentments – and somehow these affect us too. We feel how others feel and sense when they are judgmental and critical of us. All this can affect us in a negative way; unless we learn to confront those feelings and believe in ourselves.

Let’s try our best to confront those negative feelings (whether ours or from others) and let them out. Let’s concentrate in the best that we have: the love of our family, the love of our friends, the happy times, the good in others, the good in us – the good stuff! We can overcome anything; we have the power to be very strong! We can accomplish anything we set our minds to do. We can persevere and change our thoughts. We can learn to accept and love ourselves, and remember that we have the power to change if we really want to. We deserve the best, even if others don’t believe it. We have to believe it! When we do the right thing for us and for others, we’ll feel better; and even if we fall and fail many times, we have to believe that we can stand up again, move on and be successful. If we believe, the right people and the right circumstances will come into our lives... Have faith!

This Mask

(Many times in our lives we feel like we’re wearing a mask or like we have to wear a mask. Have you ever felt this way?)

This mask I wear is not the real me.

It only makes me look happy and carefree.

This mask that I wear can hide all my fears,

Of everyday life, yet, they won’t disappear.

This mask I wear can hide all my pain

That I feel all the time, yet, I don’t take in vain.

This mask I wear helps me when I’m down,

So I can ignore all the words and the sounds.

This mask I wear helps me in many things,

Like the troubles of life which everyday brings.

(Written by an 8^th Grader)

And believe it or not, many times what we eat and drink affect our moods too. So pay attention to how certain things (like sweets) affect you; including hormonal changes, of course. Try not to take things personally and just live your best life without taking life so seriously. Set your goals and dreams (and believe in them), take the time to think about what you really want in life; then everything will be fine. I promise you!

"Loving Yourself"

2007-02-12T16:59:00.000-05:00

Sounds funny, doesn't it? And yet, it's one of the most important things we have to learn in life. Why? Because most of our problems are due to the fact that most of us may not know how to truly love ourselves. People who don't love themselves are always looking for someone to love them, and going out of their way to try to please others - even if what they have to do to please them is inappropriate, demeaning or simply the wrong thing to do. Since they don't know how to love themselves, they settle for anything - scraps of what they think is love. They attract people who don't love themselves and that make their lives miserable.

Mary Blige said the following in the "Parade Magazine" of the Philadelphia Inquirer: “I had no self-respect. I was depending on others to make me feel good, but they hated themselves too. You always attract people who are just like you… I was miserable…”

To be able to heal…“I decided to forgive all the people who had hurt me and to forgive and love myself… If you don’t forgive, you’re not going to be able to move on. You’ll be stuck in hatred and bitterness, meditating on all the hurt, probably dying from all the bitterness bottled up inside you. I let it go. I began to trust and have faith. I began to love myself. I moved on.”

When you learn to love yourself, you’ll find people that really care about you and love you for who you are; people that won’t use you or abuse you because you learn to be strong and stand by your principles. You find the power to say NO when you have to; because you value and respect yourself. You won’t allow others to disrespect you. You don’t need to be around people who put you down and make you feel bad; people who ask you to do the wrong thing all the time, people who hate themselves…

So, learn to love yourselves, to be strong, to have faith. Only then will you attract the right people in your lives; only then, will you find happiness - because you won't settle for anything less. Recognize when you're allowing others to mistreat you, to make you feel bad, to put you down and don't allow this to happen anymore. Be confident that you know what is right for you and follow your heart.

“The very best thing you can do for the whole world is to make the most of yourself…” Wallace D. Wattles

"Mindfulness"

2007-01-26T21:37:00.002-05:00

"Mindfulness is the practice whereby a person is intentionally aware of his or her thoughts and actions in the present moment, non-judgmentally. The practice of bringing your attention and focus back to the present moment, primarily through breathing and awareness."

In "The Miracle of Mindfulness," Thich Nhat Hahn - a well-known Buddhist monk and poet - teaches us about the importance of being mindful in our lives. In this day and age, with our busy-ness and our constant multitasking, we are truly not aware of our surroundings most of the time. We are "in another world," but not in the present one. We have too many things in our minds and too many things to do; so we don't even pay attention to what we are doing in our lives, at times; and to what is really important. We learn to "tune out" our parents, our friends, our teachers, our children (if we are parents), our co-workers, our classmates, and whatever is going on around us. It's kind of scary, isn't it? We are disconnected with OUR world... (our spiritual and our physical world).

I see this practice of "disconnection" all around me, where I work, at home, and wherever I go. It's like we have to make a great effort to try to "connect" with others, to attract attention; because they are in that hectic and constant world of rushing - of doing and thinking too many things at once. I'm guilty of this sometimes too - I admit it! It's hard to find the time to SLOW DOWN and truly pay attention to what's going on at the present moment.

Sometimes the world is very loud too: the noise of cars, TV, cell phones, people talking very loudly, all kinds of modern gadgets, etc. They intrude in our world and it's even hard to pay attention to our own thoughts and ideas - to get inspired.

We all have a lot to learn; but my advice today is: let's try to take the time, at least several times a day, to be mindful of our moments; of what we are doing; of the people around us; of a beautiful day; of our feelings; of our breath. We are alive, and yet, we live like zombies at times. Let's practice "connection" instead of "disconnection."

Let's learn to focus and take some deep breaths once in a while; let's "take the time to smell the roses," like they say. Time to appreciate our friends, our family, our pets, nature, music and most importantly... God, our source. Life shouldn't be a RACE - the race to get somewhere (we don't even know where) first! We can take our time - it's O.K. to take our time...

"The Art of Communication"

2007-01-25T11:48:00.000-05:00

"Communication, the art of talking with each other, saying WHAT WE FEEL AND MEAN, saying it CLEARLY, LISTENING to what the other says and making sure we're HEARING accurately, is by all indication the skill most essential for creating and maintaining loving relationships."
Leo Buscaglia

I love Leo Buscaglia! He wrote some beautiful and powerful books that have definitely taught me some very good lessons to live a more rewarding and happy life. I love to read a lot, and through the years I have read some wonderful books that have definitely made a difference in my life and have inspired me to become a better person (wife, mother, teacher, friend...) We're all in a constant process of growing and learning - no one is perfect, of course; but it's truly a good thing to try our best to improve ourselves and to learn important lessons that will help us lead happy and productive lives and to be able to accomplish our most cherished dreams and goals. Yesterday, I was watching the Oprah Show and Gary Sukav (the author of "The Seat of the Soul") was the invited guest. He said something very interesting: we have to pay attention to our "intentions." We create our world with our intentions - when our intentions are good, the outcome is good; when the intentions are bad, the outcome is bad. That pretty much sums it all up. When we're trying to communicate with others, let's pay attention to our intentions too.

Is it easy to have good intentions all the time? No! But we have to try our best; especially when we want to be happy, successful and accomplished individuals.

And what about "communication"? How many times do we talk and talk and talk and don't really listen to the other person, or don't really communicate our feelings, desires and hopes; or don't express our honest opinions? Or are afraid to feel vulnerable. Granted, there are times when we don't want to hurt someone's feelings and it's best to keep some of our feelings inside (when the other person is very sensitive and will take things too personally, or we know they are not ready to hear the truth...) But, in general, we should try to learn to communicate properly. That includes "meaning" what we say and very importantly "listening" and "hearing. " That also means "being considerate" and not purposely hurting someone with nasty words or actions, with criticisms and judgements - we have to take in consideration other people's feelings and weaknesses. So, let's intend to communicate "clearly", with heartfelt "honesty", with "respect" and above all, with "LOVE." When others know that we mean well, they'll trust us better - our intentions do count!

As a teacher, I do get frustrated when my students don't pay attention or listen to me. When I try to communicate something and they are "in another world" doing something else and they completely ignore me. That to me is lack of consideration, disrespectful and selfish - and no matter how strong I am, want or try to be, it does hurt my feelings. We all like to be heard. So, let's make an effort to try to listen to others, to truly pay attention to what they're saying and what they're trying to communicate to us. Also, let's try to have good intentions in our lives, in our dealings and communications with others. When we become more aware of what we do, of how we feel, and of how others feel - we in turn will feel a lot better about ourselves and attract good friends and good things in our lives. Trust me!

Remember Who You Are...

2007-01-08T22:03:00.000-05:00

I haven't written in a while. It's amazing how fast time flies when you're busy! It's hard to believe we're in 2007 already. So let's think about some New Year's Resolutions.

While trying to find some of the interesting and inspirational articles and poems I have saved through the years (some found and some written by me), I couldn't help but notice the following titles: Be creative. Be a Dreamer. Be Gentle with Yourself. Be Happy with Who You Are. Be Optimistic. Be Thankful. Believe in Yourself. Dare to Believe. Follow Your Dreams. It's All Up To You. Life Goes On. Life is a Gift. Life is a Journey. Life is but a Dream. Life is filled with Possibilities. Listen to your Heart. Listen to your Inner Voice. Love is the Answer. Love is the Way. And last but not least... Remember Who You Are, amongst many others.

Let's read these titles carefully and reflect on them, and above all let's Remember Who We Are. When others put pressure on us or make us feel bad, let's Remember Who We Are. When life seems complicated and we get frustrated with everyday stresses, let's Remember Who We Are. When others drive us crazy, when we feel overwhelmed, when we don't know which way to turn, let's Remember Who We Are. Let's continue being strong, happy, optimistic, enthusiastic. Let's continue being ourselves...

The UGLY Too-Skinny Models

2006-10-13T08:59:00.000-04:00

How can they be pretty? How can they be healthy? How can they be good role-models for our daughters? I just don't understand! These models look anorexic and sick to me.

I'm so glad that one of Spain's most prestigious fashion shows has agreed to ban overly skinny models from taking part in their events. The Spanish Fashion Industry is taking a stand. I just wish other countries would do the same, to stop promoting anorexia and other eating disorders; to stop giving the wrong message that SKINNY is "in" and beautiful. Unhealthily skinny-underweight models look like concentration camp victims; like malnurished and starving sad-looking girls. How can they be happy? They're like walking skeleton-zombies, that are too brainwashed to know any better. How sad! Take a good look at the link "Skin and Bones" in the following website, and read the letters of some Newsweek's readers:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15066508/site/newsweek/.

This obsession with "thinness" has created a situation where the majority of girls and women don't like their bodies; and body dissatisfaction can lead girls to participate in very unhealthy behaviors to try to control their weight - or should I say "to try to starve themselves." I'm glad that Eileen Ford (from the Ford Models Agency in New York) believes the trend next year will be to move toward more womanly figures. That's a relief!

If we don't eat properly, not only will our physical bodies be affected but also our brains, our moods, our mental health... How can we even have the energy to learn new things, to make the right decisions, to take care of ourselves, to function in our lives - if we go on "starvation mode." We will just become "zombies" following stupid trends that in the long run will only hurt us and bring us unhappiness and confusion. So, please think very carefully before you start admiring these extremely-skinny models by following their unhealthy habits and thinking they have it all - because they really don't. They are just like puppets of the Fashion Industry, they are just commodities being used to make others very rich.

I'm not saying that every modeling job is bad; but we have to be smart and do what we know is right for us, taking in consideration our values and always respecting and loving ourselves (this includes "our bodies too").

"Girls Gone Wild"

2006-09-05T21:16:00.000-04:00

Today I was watching the Tyra Banks Show, and she had as a guest a guy named Joe Francis. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This guy is famous and very rich now for making videos of girls (many of them intoxicated) showing off their bodies and doing other X-Rated things with themselves and others. What's going on with these girls? They have to stoop that low to please some men. Give me a break! Tyra was appalled and completely against these practices; she was trying to make these girls understand that what they were doing wasn't right - but to no avail.

How much attention do they need? They don't care if these films are shown all over the Internet? All over the world? Such lack of self-respect, morals and values! No wonder American women and girls have such a bad reputation. It is really sad that they just don't care; that they even think it's O.K. or even great just to be "on camara", no matter what. They don't even consider the consequences of their actions and how these will affect their families. I guess I was shocked to see these beautiful girls "trashing" themselves. Like they don't value anything.

The amazing thing is: this guy is extremely rich now and these girls only get a T-Shirt or a Cap as a reward. So it's not that they're desperate for the money, it's not that they're starving or very poor, they're just desperate for attention. A desperate plea of "look at me! look at me!" Mostly suburban upper middle-class girls with nothing better to do! Wow!

Is this maybe the example that so many TV programs promote? The example of "famous" girls like Paris Hilton and many others? This is not a good example of free expression; this is a sad example of the lack of values a great majority of American Teenagers and Young Adults have.
It's easy for them to sell themselves... and not even to the highest bidder; but to anyone like this Joe Francis, who's smart enough to take advantage of them without a single ounce of remorse, and who enjoys his "fame" for being able to use these girls in such disgusting ways.

It is really sad that so many girls demean themselves like this; that they don't think anything of it. Like "it's just another day in my life and I was just having fun". Fun? at what price? Is it really worth it? How stupid can you be? As a woman and as a parent, I'm hurt and upset by their actions and hope that some parents wake up and start taking the time to communicate more with their children and instill some sense in them; some very needed moral values! Then again, some will say: "it's up to them!"; but these behaviors are really hurting us all, especially our younger generations who are so easily brain washed by this culture of "anything goes" and "I can do whatever I want even if it hurts others".

"Accept Me"

2006-08-30T22:20:00.000-04:00

I love the following poem written by Larry S. Chengges, I want to share it with you today:

ACCEPT ME

I am I

Do not change me

Condemn me

Nor put me down

Accept me for what I am

No…you need not agree with me

But Accept Me

For I am total in being

I have my faults

I have my guilts

But that is who I am

Perfect I will never be

Allow me to be uninhibited

Do not pressure me into feeling

What I do not feel

Accept Me when I am flying high

As I have accepted you when

You were flying high

Do not put me down...

Nor make me unhappy about me

I am I

And I like being what I am…

Don't you feel at times that people judge you a lot? Even when they don't know you, they judge you. It's so easy for others to criticize us, and it's also so easy for us to criticize others. Maybe they feel better about themselves when they do this; maybe we feel better about ourselves when we also repeat this same bad habit. It's only human! We all assume things about others, about their behaviors and about their life in general - when we shouldn't. That's why we need to feel strong and secure... Believe in ourselves and in what we stand for. Believe in our values and in our self-worth. Believe in honesty, in goodness, in love, in a life of meaning and purpose... and create a beautiful life for us and for others! Let's learn to be more tolerant, more patient, more understanding and above all, less judgmental and less critical. Gossip is also a very ugly thing to do. Being intolerant, being impatient - and demeaning, criticizing and judging others - are all signs of insecurities and a low self-esteem. Let's remember that we all have our weaknesses and our shortcomings. Let's accept others more willingly and above all, more lovingly... then, and only then, will others accept us the way we are - with patience, understanding, compassion and love.

Choosing the Right Attitude

2006-07-26T19:14:00.000-04:00

"Choose the kind of day you will have, and the kind of life you will have, by choosing the right attitude... You always have the ultimate freedom of choosing your attitude."

Sometimes we meet so many negative people out there: people with permanent bad attitudes, always complaining, always miserable, always criticizing others, always blaming others; that it becomes a big challenge not to fall into these same bad habits (of choosing the wrong attitude.) A bad attitude is contagious; when people complain, we want to complain too; when people criticize others, we feel compelled to do the same, to join them. We have to learn to stop ourselves from doing that. We have to remember that we don't have to put others down in order to feel better about who we are. We all have our weaknesses, after all. We cannot feel that we are better than others, that we know more than others, that we have all the answers to everything... because that's not the case. "If we think we know everything, we are practicing arrogance" - I heard this message on TV and it made me think and consider that sometimes -without even realizing it- so many of us assume arrogant attitudes way too many times. Is it that feeling better than others inflates our self-esteem?

Nobody is perfect; so why do others judge and criticize us so much? Or why do we judge and criticize others so much? Let's reflect on this and try our best to stop putting others down, and to stop allowing others to put us down. Remember: Whatever your attitude is at this very moment, it is the one you are presently choosing...

"Your attitude is part of who you are..."

"A positive attitude is a decision we make moment by moment."

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way." Viktor Frankl ("Man's Search for Meaning")

"Choosing your attitude has the power to bring you fulfilment and happiness or have you looking back at a life half lived." Fiona Harrold

(Check: http://www.fionaharrold.com/articles/fk220305.html)

Seize the Special Moments...

2006-05-24T22:47:00.000-04:00

Through our lives we experience many special moments; unfortunately, most of us don’t pay too much attention to these moments, and we simply forget them. Let’s try our best to seize those special times in our lives, claim them, save them in your mind (or write about them in your journal), and treasure them always. Those memories will bring us joy and comfort, especially, when we experience trying times. Remembering those very special occasions will make us feel better about ourselves, about our friends and family, about our loved ones and about our lives.

These moments don’t have to be big over-the-top events; they can be very simple-little-everyday special moments – like a friend’s hug, our dog’s greeting, laughter shared, a funny joke, a compliment, or other small but happy occasion. So, start paying attention to those very special little moments, be observant and remember with gratitude how blessed you are.

Bonding with others

2006-05-24T21:03:00.000-04:00

"Every person needs and has the capacity to bond with other people, with significant undertakings and with meaningful experiences. Do I have difficulty bonding? Is the difficulty in all areas or only in certain ones? Do I bond easily with my job, but have trouble bonding with people? Or vice versa? Examine the reasons for not bonding. Is it because I am too critical and find fault in everything as an excuse for not bonding? Am I too locked in my own ways? Is my not bonding a result of discomfort with vulnerability? Have I been hurt in my past bonding experiences? Has my trust been abused? Is my fear of bonding a result of the deficient bonding I experienced as a child?" (Rabbi Simon Jacobson)

I believe that one of our greatest priorities in life is to learn to "bond" with others: connect, befriend, feel comfortable with other people (like friends, co-workers, classmates, relatives, etc.) It's hard for some people to learn to get along with others; to listen to them and respect their opinions; to avoid being critical and judgmental all the time; to love without expecting too much in return and without so many conditions; to stop taking everything so personally...

When I was in High School I had a very hard time connecting with others, because I was very shy and didn't have good socialization skills. I was extremely introverted. Luckily in College, thanks to some great friends, people who accepted me as I was, I learned the great skill of "bonding". It took me a while; but little by little I learned how to connect with my co-workers, students, friends, relatives, etc. I enjoy showing true concern and love for others (I feel energized when others respond in positive ways). Everyone likes to receive attention and to me, it's comforting and enjoyable to give others my complete attention as much as possible. Now, even when others don't respond to kindness and love - we have to be patient; we have to remember that maybe they have a hard time trusting others, because they were probably hurt many times before. They may not trust our intentions, because of that lack of trust and confidence.

Let's examine our capacity to bond with others and try to see where we're failing; by admitting our weaknesses we can become better persons and learn to improve and overcome those flaws. And let's not be so harsh on ourselves, after all: nobody is perfect!

Are you comfortable with yourself?

2006-05-21T21:06:00.000-04:00

Do you feel comfortable with yourself? Do you like who you are? Do you feel confident? Think about it! When we are comfortable with ourselves and like who we are, we get along better with others. We don't get upset about every little thing; we don't get hurt easily. We become more understanding and compassionate. The behavior of others don't affect us that much, because we don't take things personally. We become more forgiving.

But what if others (acquaintances, friends and relatives) are the ones who get hurt with us and don't recognize that their behavior was wrong? What if others never apologize because in their minds they are always right? Well, here we have to make a conscious decision. Do we really want their friendship? Do we really want their love? Is their love real or fake? Do they even know how to love? Can we love them even when they are self-centered and selfish? If we feel that their love is definitely worth it, no matter what, then let's give them a second and third chance. After all, they say that love is about "second chances and forgiveness". As long as they respect who we are and treat us with the respect we deserve; and as long as we feel comfortable with them, because we know that somehow we'll make things work. If they don't respect us or show consideration for what we stand for, for what we believe, for who we are... then the relationship is not worth it! It's not about being selfish, but about choosing positive friendships and relationships that bring happiness and love into our lives, instead of stress and negative feelings. Choose people that are comfortable with themselves and you'll have a better chance of enjoying a positive and healthy relationship.

We can disagree with others and yet, respect them for who they are and what they believe. We can concentrate in their good qualities and common interests. And, the more comfortable we are with ourselves the easier it becomes to be comfortable with others; as long as RESPECT is always present and the main ingredient in the relationship.

"A loving relationship is one in which individuals trust each other enough to become vulnerable; secure that the other person won't take advantage. It neither exploits nor takes the other for granted. It involves much communication, much sharing, and much tenderness."

"A loving relationship is one in which one can be open and honest with one another without the fear of being judged. It's being secure in the knowledge that you are each other's best friend and no matter what happens you will stand by one another."

(Quotes from "Loving Each Other" by Leo Buscaglia)

Are you loving enough?

2006-05-04T21:23:00.000-04:00

Do we give people a chance to love us? Or are we too demanding? Too controlling? Too inflexible?

Leo Buscaglia wrote in "Loving Each Other" (one of my all-time favorite books): "We are not evil, inadequate or incompetent when our relationships fail. It may have been that we were simply overconfident about them, not adequately prepared for them or unrealistic in our expectations of them. Not all relationships are right. As long as values change, insights expand, human façades remain impenetrable and human behaviors unpredictable, we will make mistakes."

"The very measure of a good relationship is in how much it encourages optimal intellectual, emotional and spiritual growth. So, if a relationship becomes destructive, endangers our human dignity, prevents us from growing, continually depresses and demoralizes us - then, unless we are masochists and enjoy misery, we must eventually terminate it. We are not for everyone and everyone is not for us. The question is: If we cannot be with another, can we at least not hurt them? Can we, at least, find a way to coexist?"

Relationships involve the big word "commitment"; we have to be willing to make them work - and work hard to keep them healthy, caring and loving. We have to be willing to "compromise". We all have our weaknesses and our strengths; but when we learn to concentrate in the "good in others", give them the benefit of the doubt, and become very respectful and patient with them, our relationships - most likely- will be successful and happy ones. Is it easy? No... but it's definitely worth it to try our best!

"Look for the good in others, everybody has their own song to sing."

"Give people a chance to love you, for that is how you learn to love."

"To pursuit, create, build and preserve our loving relationships, should be our most important priority in life."

"She who cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which she must pass herself." George Herbert

"We can only trust others when we learn to trust ourselves... We can only forgive others when we learn to forgive ourselves... We can only love others when we learn to love ourselves..."

The Blaming Game

2006-05-02T21:27:00.000-04:00

It is very easy for many people to blame others for their problems. They rather blame others than accept responsibility for their own lives; and for the actions that created that life. It's easier when they pretend that nothing is their fault, that they always know what is right; that they never make mistakes... They sometimes stop talking to you because they blame you for their unhappiness; they get upset easily and they cannot trust you - or others. It is very hard to deal with people like this, you feel like they drain your energy; like no matter what you do, they'll find something wrong and they'll put you down (with actions or words); they are hard to please.

We are all responsible for our thoughts, actions and intentions! We are the designers of our lives and the creators of our reality. Our life is our responsibility. We have the freedom to choose what is right for us and ultimately, we are responsible for all the choices that we make. We always have the power to control our thoughts and our actions - to think and act responsibly. Others may never please us or may never fulfill our expectations, but we cannot blame them for everything that is wrong in our lives. We shouldn't be so demanding...

Let's stop assuming things and let's try to communicate with others and express our feelings. If others don't want to hear what we have to say; then let's write it down. When we write a letter - even if we don't send it - we let go of our negative feelings. It's not good to hold on to them - they will only hurt us! Release the hurt, release the fear.

Let's Feel Good About Ourselves No Matter What

2006-04-26T10:21:00.000-04:00

We all have the potential to feel good about who we are, to feel happy, no matter what's happening around us and no matter how many people drive us crazy at times or try to put us down (intentionally or not). Of course, it is also true, that it's hard to feel good about ourselves -and in general - when we only concentrate in negative feelings and in all the bad stuff that happens everywhere. Feeling good is a choice we make; but how can we ignore or block-out negative situations, negative people, negative comments, negative feelings? That's the hard thing to do; but we can do it!

Think for a moment: what will feeling bad accomplish? It will only make us anxious, sad, angry, and in short, miserable. It really won't help any situation or serve a purpose. This is when we have to take a deep breath (like they say), take a stand, center ourselves, and think positive. If we can change a situation, let's change it; if we cannot, let it be and detach yourself from it. Is there a lesson to learn from that experience? Think of things that make you happy: family, friends, pets... whatever brings a smile to your face. Maybe a funny joke or a funny experience. Tell yourself that you have the right to "feel good" and that no-one will put you down. Don't hold angry or negative feelings against others; remember, they don't know any better. If you think of them with kindness, compassion, understanding and love, you will definitely feel better. Let others be! If they are ignorant, immature, silly or whatever - remember, we all have "issues". Try not to take things so personally, try not to judge others, and move on.

We are what we choose to be in any situation; we can choose to be happy, to have a good time and to enjoy our lives; or we can choose to be miserable, angry and sad. It's all up to us! If others don't want to be with us, don't like us, judge us, criticize us, etc. It's their choice and it's their loss. Let's be very patient and tolerant with ourselves and others. Relationships are challenging... life is challenging. And let's not forget: FORGIVENESS is essential. Only forgiveness set us free.

Endurance

2006-04-22T20:38:00.000-04:00

"Is my love enduring? Does it withstand challenges and setbacks? Do I give and withhold love according to my moods or is it constant regardless of the ups and downs of life?"
Simon Jacobson

Interesting question to think about, isn't it? Is my love enduring? Is my love unconditional? Do I give love when it's only convenient to me, when others fulfill my expectations, when others please me and when I'm in a good mood? Or, do I give my love no matter what, even when others upset me at times and when I'm feeling down?

Do I give love even when others don't know how to love? I'm I patient enough? Understanding enough? Tolerant enough? Respectful enough? Loving enough? Have I exhausted all the possibilities of preserving a loving relationship? It's true that some relationships are just NOT MEANT TO BE, that sometimes we just have to say GOODBYE... But, let's reflect and think: have we really tried hard enough to preserve and keep our relationship with someone. If the answer is yes, then we can feel at peace and move on. If the answer is no, then we should try to explore other options and through forgiveness try to reconcile with the person we're having a disagreement with - the person who hurt our feelings. Let's think carefully whether we're taking their behavior, words and actions personally - since we shouldn't! Let's consider the possibility of communicating our feelings to them with love and kindness, and to say "I am sorry", even if we didn't cause the conflict, even if we feel that it was the other person's fault. If we try and fail, then, at least we tried...

"Recognize that all relationships cannot be forever. Recognize their temporary quality, but continue to act as if they are permanent."

"Never force anyone to do anything for you 'in the name of love.' Love is not to be bargained for."

Check: http://www.TeensSelfHelp.com
and other favorite websites: http://www.LivingLifeFully.com, http://meaningfullife.com

Some Relationships Are Just Not Meant To Be...

2006-04-18T10:57:00.000-04:00

"The absolute lifeblood of a relationship is to exchange thoughts, feelings and ideas."

I recently read this statement in one of my favorite magazines, and I firmly believe in it. How can we have a relationship with someone when we cannot communicate our true feelings and thoughts to them; when we feel that anything we say or do upsets them; when they feel rejected if we don't fulfill all of their expectations; when they judge us wrongly and get angry as soon as we disagree with them?

Isn't it difficult to truly communicate with people like that, no matter how hard we try? If we express our feelings, if we tell them what's bothering us - they get hurt, they take it personally, they make us feel bad. They are extremely sensitive. If we say NO to something they want us to do - because we don't agree with it or because it's against our better judgment, beliefs and principles - they don't want to hear what we have to say, they just get insulted and try to put us down. They twist things around and blame us (and others) for whatever they feel is wrong; for whatever problem they created. When people take things so personally like this, it's a clear sign that they have a very low self-esteem; it's a clear sign that they are in a lot of pain. Yet, they won't admit it!

Of course, no matter how high our self-esteem is; there will always be times when we go through some "lows", when things bother us more easily, when we have little patience and tolerance, when some people just drive us crazy. Remember, we are all human, we are not perfect! (sometimes we don't even get enough sleep). But when someone is CONSTANTLY getting upset about every little thing, when they act like a little child who doesn't get his or her toy, his or her way, and throw a tantrum and reject us; that's a true sign of deeper problems. That's a sign of immaturity. Do we want a relationship with someone like that? Do we want to struggle with their bad behavior, with their negativity? Always feeling that no matter what we do, we can never please them.

It's a hard decision some times; especially when we believe in loving others no matter what (unconditionally), and when we want to keep our family together. But, how much sacrifice are we willing to make? It's like they want to drag us down with them. And what if they don't want anything to do with us? It's hard enough to have someone coming in and out of our lives at their convenience. Only when we please them, fulfill their expectations, and do whatever they want us to do, are they willing to hang in there with us. We feel like walking on egg shells all the time; we have to be careful not to hurt their feelings (since they get hurt so easily), we cannot be free... If they don't want us in their lives, we are obviously not important enough to them, we are not good enough, we are not worth their love - a relationship like that is just not worth it! We need to find friends and relatives that accept us for who we are, that see our good (our positive side) and not only our mistakes; that love us without so many conditions; that allow us to be ourselves and express our deepest feelings, thoughts and concerns.

I also recently read the following, in an E-Mail: "The relationship that did not work out is an opportunity to grow and learn. You might learn, this time, that it would have been better to let it be, instead of loading it with day dreams and expectations. It might be a time to learn that not all people are meant to be with you forever. It might be a time to learn that love is a gift, a gift of giving and not getting, and that if you allow love to flow freely, then you are blessed with the heart overflowing with love..." But that's what's hard, isn't it? To love without conditions. Most people love conditionally and reject us when in their minds we're not good enough; we are not perfect; we made a mistake. Some people don't even allow us to apologize. And even if they're the ones who were wrong; the ones who hurt us with their words and actions; the ones who only see what they want to see and assume the wrong thing - they won't admit it and they won't apologize. They're too proud to say "I'm sorry" (although pride is usually an excuse) and they feel that they are always right. To them, we are just not worth it; they prefer to lose us - because we really don't mean anything to them. When that's the case, it's definitely better to let them be. Do we want to bother with the stress of dealing with someone like that? Why should we continue a relationship with someone that clearly doesn't love us, or that doesn't know how to love? We'll just get hurt over and over again. After a while, we just get tired of this type of relationship because it drains our energy and it makes us feel bad.

I decided that it's not worth it! Some people are just very hard to love. They create barriers, they create conditions and they simply don't allow others to love them. They really don't know how to love themselves. That's what it boils down to: if they don't know how to really love themselves, how can they love anyone else? They just have no clue...

Check: http://www.teensselfhelp.com/BeYourBestSelf.html

Such Is Life...

2006-04-05T20:44:00.000-04:00

It's hard to please everyone all the time, no matter how hard we try. We shouldn't really have to try to please everyone; especially when that means doing something that is against our beliefs and better judgment. At this time, we are struggling with a situation like this with a close relative; sometimes it seems that no matter what we do, we cannot please some people. If we say NO to something they ask us to do, they take it personally and try to make us feel bad; they think we don't love them, because we don't want to do something we feel is wrong; or they just stop talking to us and don't communicate their feelings. I wrote this poem to express my feelings, I hope you like it!

SUCH IS LIFE…

I know it's hard for you to love us
just the way we are…
We are not perfect, you know ~
we cannot please you
in every single way.
We cannot always say YES
to every whim in your heart.
We cannot compromise our values and our beliefs
to be great in your eyes;
that will be like denying ourselves,
denying who we really are.
Life is not easy, you know ~
so many people to please;
so many people to love
with their idiosyncrasies,
their weaknesses,
their own way of being.
We may be different at times,
we may be similar some times;
we may be lovable to some,
we may be hateful to others.
We are human beings…
We are not perfect, you know; but
We love you anyway!
(even when you cannot love us back...
you don't know any better)

Karol Feld (4/5/06)

Do the Right Thing...

2006-03-23T20:15:00.000-05:00

When you do the wrong thing,
somehow, you pay the price.
They say: "what goes around
comes around;"
and I believe it! It is true!
It's just the way it is...
and that is why, no matter what,
we should always do
what is RIGHT!

You Never Know...

2006-03-19T17:33:00.000-05:00

I recently found this beautiful poem, Author Unknown, and I love it and want to share it with you. I found two versions:

You never know when someone
might catch a dream from you.
Or something you say may open up the windows
of a mind that seeks light;
The way you live may not matter at all,
but you never know, it might.
And just in case it could be
that another’s life, through you,
might possibly change for the better
with a broader and brighter view,
it seems it might be worth a try
to do what you know is right;
Of course, it may not matter at all,
but then again, it might…
You never know.

Author Unknown

You Never Know…

You never know when someone
might catch a dream from you.
You never know when a little word
or something you might say or do,
May open up the window
of a mind that seeks the light.
The way you teach may not matter at all,
But you never know, it might.
And just in case it could be
that another's life, through you,
might change for the better
with a broader, brighter view.
It seems it might be worth a try
to do what you know is right.
The way you teach may not matter at all,
But you never know, it might.

Author Unknown

I LOVE MY STUDENTS!

2006-01-11T18:44:00.000-05:00

Wow! What a change! Yes, today I feel good. I know I was pretty upset yesterday; some of it was probably due to lack of sleep. It is true that some of my students are very loud at times; but the truth is that in my class they like to express themselves and they are full of enthusiasm. They are truly all very happy kids and it's good to see that! I did tell them today, though, that if I need them to work quietly, that if I ask them to lower their voices, they should be respectful and do so. I expect them to follow my instructions. They all seemed pretty receptive to that and felt bad about being so loud yesterday. The truth is that these girls have great attitudes and are truly great kids! They do listen, they just get overly excited at times! It felt good to express myself and talk honestly to them. They are having a lot of fun doing the "Create a Business Project" and sometimes, in their excitement, they talk very loudly. No, I couldn't become a "mean" teacher; it is not in my nature, it is not my style.

It was sweet that today one of my former students asked me why I seemed to always be so happy and in a good mood (something like that) - my response was that since my father was such an angry person (and demanding), I think I made a firm commitment in my mind to never be like him. I also responded: is a matter of having the right attitude. I want to be happy and to try to make others happy. I want people to appreciate me and love me. I like being kind and loving to others. I enjoy helping people and I love my students, like I love my daughters... unconditionally! Sometimes they do drive me crazy, just like others drive us crazy at times and we drive others crazy at times; but what the heck: Nobody is perfect! I'll try to continue having lots of patience and continue trying to help my students as best as I can. Life is good!

A Little More Respect Please!

2006-01-10T20:42:00.000-05:00

Yes, I have to admit it. Today some of my students were driving me crazy! They didn't want to work quietly; they were too loud and didn't want to listen to me at all. I try very hard to make the class interesting, to find interesting exercises for them; I spend countless hours searching in the Internet and reading books to try to make the class as exciting as possible - but today it really seemed to me that they truly don't appreciate it and don't appreciate me. I left the school feeling sad and upset. I don't like feeling this way; I like it when students respond to my efforts and appreciate my work and show consideration and respect by working quietly and conscientiously. When they show some interest in my class and when their eyes brighten up and show enthusiasm. But unruliness is not enthusiasm! It's O.K. when they express their emotions and happiness in a self-controlled way - not too loud, respectful, and finding time to concentrate and to do their work. I don't like giving demerits and detention; unfortunately I'm going to have to follow the school rules and start handing some of these. Now I understand why some teachers never smile in class. They have to be stern and strict in order for the students to respect them (or be afraid of them). I thought that treating my students with kindness and love was enough; but I'm doubting my approach. Even when I hate yelling and being mean, I feel -now- that I'm going to have to become more strict in order for them to respect my class. Their behavior will affect their grade too! I know who works hard and who tries hard and who is always doing something else and not applying herself. I hope things are better tomorrow and in the future. It is not right that I have to leave the school feeling this way. It is not right when you feel that you are allowing others to disrespect you, because you have a hard time being a "Judge Judy" type of person. I'm very happy being a teacher, but I feel that I'm going to have to change my approach. We'll see!

PLEASE BE CAREFUL!

2005-11-05T11:45:00.000-05:00

Be well aware of all the dangers lurking in Chat Rooms all over the Internet. Yesterday I watched a disturbing and valuable program at NBC, "Dateline", about child and teen predators. These men are deliberately looking to corrupt minors (both boys and girls). They pose as teenagers trying to meet other pre-teens or teens, when in reality they are anywhere from 25 to 60 year old depraved, sick and evil men. My advice to you is: PLEASE DO NOT GO INTO ANY CHAT ROOMS, you really don't know who you are talking to. Find true friends in school or other social activities, not in the Internet. Check: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9927253/

Learn to take care of yourselves, and avoid dangerous situations.

With love,

Karol

"LOVE, RESPECT and VALUE YOURSELF..."

2005-11-05T11:41:00.000-05:00

Not long ago I was watching a TV News Program and they were talking about college students who drink in excess. Many young people have died or have ruined their lives in many ways because of this stupid and irresponsible behavior. It is time to speak up! Don't let anyone convince you to do things you don't really want to do - just to try to please others! You have to love, respect and value yourself MORE! Doing something just to try to please others, or try to be cool, or because you're afraid you may lose some "friends" (which are really not good friends) is really dumb. Don't fall for their tricks.

I feel terrible for what probably happened to Natalee Holloway too! (her disappearance and unknown whereabouts.) Unfortunately she is partly to blame. She drank in excess and went out with three boys that were really total strangers to her. You should NEVER drink so much that you completely lose control of what happens to you! of your life! Learn to take care of yourself. YOU ARE SPECIAL!

Being Good to Ourselves

2005-07-24T21:48:00.000-04:00

"Many people go through life committing partial suicide - destroying their talents, energies, creative qualities. Indeed, to learn how to be good to oneself is often more difficult than to learn how to be good to others."

Joshua Loth Liebman

2005-07-21T19:04:00.000-04:00

A visitor to TeensSelfHelp.com suggested that I added a place for comments, where other teens can share experiences and friendly advice, talk about problems or concerns, and communicate openly with others. I hope this helps. You can add your comments and others can respond to them. Any other advice will be appreciated. All the best! Karol