"The Invisible"

I haven't written in a while. It's amazing how busy we can get at times. I'm tired of being so busy all the time and yet, I'm looking forward to my Summer Vacation. I love what I do, I love where I work, I love my students... but being a perfectionist is a problem for me. I have to stop myself from doing so much at times, and from accepting more and more jobs, more and more responsibilities. I guess this is why I love to read inspirational books, messages and poems; they slow me down (as well as praying and finding time to reflect.) It's almost like my spirit wants to do so much, but my body cannot keep up.

Sometimes I wonder if it is that I have a need to please others. Maybe that's the case, I'm not sure. I always felt that it was hard to please my father and I, maybe unconsciously, was always trying to please him and show him what a good student and good person I could be. Who knows? The mysteries of one's mind.

I've been very sad and angry about what happened in Blacksburg, Virginia (at Virginia Tech.) It's hard to believe that someone can hold so much anger and hatred inside, and then finally explode and commit such an abominable act. An "invisible" person, that's how some of his classmates described him. He chose to be invisible, though. He chose his life of silence. He could have been different. He could have chosen not to take things so personally, not to be so angry, not to hold on to resentments and only see the bad in others. He had a choice! He could have sought help (there are many good professionals out there willing to help others.) He could have made a difference in this world, instead of creating such chaos and heartache, instead of becoming a time bomb ready to explode at any minute. It is very sad! Seung-Hui Cho chose to become a criminal at the end. He will remain "invisible"; because criminals should remain "invisible"... we should never give them the chance to become famous or important.

He probably thought this was the way to become "someone" (obviously he struggled with self-esteem problems, was not at peace with himself and had no moral or spiritual values), but in the end he just remained "invisible"; because we won't allow him to become a celebrity or a martyr. We may pity him, we may hate his actions, we may even forgive him for his mental illness, but we will never forget his victims and the pain he caused to their families and to his own family; we will not allow him to become "someone" because he doesn't deserve it. He will remain "invisible" because that is what he chose - to be a non-entity. He didn't believe in his worth. If others didn't care it's because he expected them not to care; he didn't make any effort to be liked, to show concern for others, to become a loving and compassionate person. In his sick mind, he believed everyone hated him, everyone was against him...

Of course, mental illness was the biggest threat in this case (and in many others); we have to find ways to help people like him, so out of touch with reality. Schools, colleges, the government and others should do something to spot the "problem" of "dangerous" students by listening to those concerned. By keeping strict records and making them available to health care professionals and the court system; and to stop worrying so much about the rights of the criminally insane - the criminally "invisible" people like Seung-Hui Cho.