Bullying and Cyber-Bullying - An Epidemic

It is really hard for me to believe that so many kids and young people bully others so much; but it's in the News everywhere. Bullies have existed all along in the history of humankind. There are people and youngsters who actually enjoy putting others down, demeaning them, insulting them, making their lives miserable - it is their way to feel powerful. It is really sad! The funny thing is that the biggest bully is the greatest coward. If they enjoy feeling powerful it's because in reality they are weak - very weak! They have problems at home, they have low self-esteem, they don't really like who they are. They love inflicting pain on others, because they believe this makes them stronger. They don't care how they're hurting others, they can only think about themselves and how they feel, and yes, these type of individuals feel better this way - hitting, insulting, demeaning, harassing, and dragging others down in any possible way.

Now we also have "cyber-bullying." So the bullying is not limited to the school or the neighborhood, it goes beyond that. It reaches further and it's meaner in many ways (when the taunting is non-stop). These behaviors must be stopped... we cannot tolerate this ignorance!

Bullies, like I said, have a lot of problems. They actually hate their lives, and themselves, in many ways. They're unhappy at home, they feel entitled to do what they want to do regardless of the consequences. They don't care who they hurt, because they themselves are hurting. It is actually a cry for help, but they don't even realize it - since they're in pain (but they hide it well). They are cowards that enjoy when people are afraid of them. They must be fearful themselves... (even when they don't admit it). Maybe they don't have a father in their life, or a good mentor, or a good family, or their parents are dysfunctional (drug addicts, abusers, alcoholics, unhappy people), or they themselves have mental issues/problems. I'm sure they're many other reasons why they choose to be like this, but no matter what their reasons are, they're unjustified. There's no excuse (no excuse for stupidity)!

Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying) mentions that "bullying consists of three basic types of abuse – emotional, verbal, and physical. It typically involves subtle methods of coercion such as intimidation. Bullying can be defined in many different ways. Bullying ranges from simple one-on-one bullying to more complex bullying in which the bully may have one or more 'lieutenants' who may seem to be willing to assist the primary bully in his bullying activities. Bullying in school and the workplace is also referred to as peer abuse. Bullying can occur in any context in which human beings interact with each other. This includes school, church, family, the workplace, home, and neighborhoods." Sadly, it is part of our human history - bullies have always existed.

If bullies were to realize and believe that their actions will have and are having negative consequences in their lives, which is the truth, maybe they will reconsider their behaviors; but they're not smart enough to think this way. Check: http://kidshealth.org/bullies.html for more information on this subject.

My advise is: if someone is bullying you in any way, seek help immediately! Don't keep this to yourself, it will just get worse. Talk to a counselor, your parents, your guardians, a teacher, an adult you trust, a friend. You deserve better, you don't deserve to be treated badly. You cannot put up with any abuse of any kind! Stay strong, but SPEAK UP! Remember: it can happen to anyone (you are not the only one dealing with this!) But bullies MUST BE STOPPED!

Other good sites: http://old.digizen.org/cyberbullying.aspx, http://abcfamily.go.com/cyberbully (to check the movie on cyberbullying, the film will be released on DVD February 7, 2012, http://kidshealth.org/ cyberbullying.html. You can find a lot more online.

I wish you all the best!

There's a song in your heart... (a reprise)

There's a song in your heart
A unique song…
Hidden, but very present
Search for it
Find it
Discover it
Get in touch with it
Hear it
Embrace it
Sing it
Only you can hear it
Only you can sing it
Don't copy someone else's
Find your own unique song
You have magic in you
BELIEVE IT!

(Karol Feld, 02/29/08)

Matthew Stepanek wrote - in "Heartsongs":
"If you believe you can be happy
Then you, too, will hear your song..."

It's All Up To You...

I tend to say this a lot when I read inspirational messages and poems to my students: "It's Up To You..." I really have come to believe that whatever happens in our lives happens for a reason. There are many lessons we have to learn in order to become better human and spiritual beings. But I also believe that we create a lot of our reality with our thoughts, feelings, emotions and intentions. Many authors have written about this, Norman Vincent Peale, Wallace Wattles, Florence Scovel Schinn, etc. Some call it "The Law of Attraction." If we concentrate only on negative stuff, complain a lot, only see the bad in every situation - we make ourselves miserable and we attract negative things into our lives (pain, disease, addictions, destructive behaviors, etc.). We must learn to have a positive outlook on life, and concentrate on the positive! See the good in everyone and everything. Learn to love ourselves and others. Learn to forgive ourselves and others. Practice all this and see what happens! Remember that you attract what you fear and you attract what you love.

One of the worse things we can do is to be "fearful." Worries are like prayers - like praying for those things (fears and worries) to happen.

Start each day thinking that your day will be a great one. Think about the positive and worthwhile things you will accomplish. How can you make a difference? How could you help others? What can you do to make someone happy? ... and yourself happy? Laugh more... help more... enjoy your life more. Count your blessings! Be confident!

It's so easy to complain, criticize, judge, and feel bad. Some people even enjoy hurting others (physically and emotionally). They are in so much pain - deep inside - that they have to take it on others, bully others; because they feel stronger acting like "monsters." Why? Why does it have to be this way? Let's read more inspirational books, poems, messages, websites (there are many!) Whatever it takes to teach us to become more positive and "loving" persons, and to help us to believe in our great potential! We all have amazing qualities, talents, gifts and inner resources to overcome all the many challenges in life. If not, like a boomerang, what we put out there will come back to us, somehow... we "reap what we sow" (our actions will have consequences, sooner or later).

Envision all the great things you wish to accomplish and BELIEVE that they will become a reality - see yourself as you'd like to be in the future. See yourself as a successful, happy, peaceful person. Feelings are important, emotions are important! So, pay attention to these feelings and emotions. Write in a journal, express yourself, speak your mind (in a respectful way - not hurting others). Forgive others and forgive yourself! Do not cause pain, or pain will come into your life.

Life is not as complicated as we make it! If you start seeing the good in others and the good in yourself, you'll experience a new reality... Trust me!

I wish you happiness. I wish you peace. I wish you all the best! You matter too much to give up and drown yourself in sorrow. Make it a habit to pay attention to your thoughts and change the negative ones for positive ones. Take good care of yourself and your loved ones! Be the kind of person others want to be with. The energy you radiate must be a happy and powerful one, then you will become like a magnet - others will want to be with you. Then, you'll feel truly powerful! Be passionate and enthusiastic about what you do, and passionate about your life. Be a person of good character and good morals. Be proud of who you are...

Just a few thoughts that come to my mind. No one is perfect, but we can have the best possible "perfect" life for us, while we respect, help, love, forgive, understand, and value others.

Never Condemn, Criticize and Complain

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.”
~ Dale Carnegie

I'm reading and interesting compilation of "50 Inspirational Books to Transform your Life" by Tom Butler-Bowdon. Yes, I love reading books; especially inspirational ones. It does motivate me to read encouraging and positive words, since we are constantly bombarded with negative stuff from the time we wake up in the morning (TV news and programs, newspapers, etc.) to the time we go to bed at night. One of the books discussed is "How to Win Friends and Influence People" - written in 1936 by Dale Carnegie. It's one of the biggest selling books ever. There, Carnegie mentions that "instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them." "Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. 'To know all is to forgive all.'" Wise words...

Isn't it true that it's very easy for us to criticize and judge others? To condemn instead of commend? Isn't it true that we put people down in order to feel better about ourselves (in a morbid kind of way)? We like to feel important, and at times -maybe without even realizing it- we assume arrogant attitudes and pretend that we know better than everyone else; that we are right and others wrong; that we know it all... We like to complain and blame others a lot, instead of assuming responsibility for our actions and misactions. It's only human! But I do firmly believe that we must reflect once in a while on our bad habits and catch ourselves when we are criticizing, judging, condemning and complaining too much; or using any other less-than-flattering attitudes. It's not healthy! It may only make us feel better temporarily, but will not bring us happiness in the long run. It will actually diminish who we are. How can people trust us if we are constantly criticizing and judging others? Our friends may wonder if we are doing the same with them. I've seen a great number of people doing this many times: gossiping and criticizing some of their so-called best friends with the rest of the world. If they are your friends, you really shouldn't do this. We must learn to be more understanding, compassionate, loving, forgiving and kind.

In trying to get along with others, and being accepted by others, we fall into these bad habits with ease. You may say: "Everyone does this, it's not a big deal!" Yes, many people do it, it is true! I've done it too. It is one of our most common weaknesses (to put others down, somehow). But we can change and be different! We can stand for our beliefs and values, and stop corrosive behaviors. I strongly feel that in order to become better persons, we must make it our challenge to stop all of our negative behaviors through "awareness." We must try our best to stop our negative attitudes and habits, and learn to develop more caring and loving ones, in order to "improve" ourselves. In the end, it will make us feel better (and others will feel better too) - I promise! We will develop more confidence (an increase in our self-esteem). In fact, to judge and criticize others too much is simply a sign of low self-esteem. We really don't feel that good about ourselves, so we have to put others down in order to feel better. Ironic, isn't it?

Let's appreciate others! Let's make them feel valuable and important! Let's be sincerely interested in who they are, what they like and what makes them tick. Let's empower them! Let's listen! Let's be grateful and graceful! Then like a boomerang this appreciation towards others will come back to us in positive ways: we will feel appreciated, loved, valued and really good, in general. It's part of being a person of good character and integrity. It takes work; maybe even a lifetime - but it is worth it! Carnegie's principle: "Give honest and sincere appreciation..." makes sense! And I add, it is up to us to make the best out of our lives and our relationship with others; it is up to us to create a peaceful world. Once we understand the concept that we are not that different from the rest of us, that we have a lot in common... we will get along better! We will be able to find peaceful ways to coexist.

Carnegie also said: "The person who really understands this craving for appreciation will also know how to make people happy." We can draw the best out of others instead of the worst. We should concentrate in the good (the beauty) not the bad (the ugly). Once we see people this way (with loving and kind eyes), our relationships will improve and we will find peace. So, in order to be happier, let's follow his advice: never condemn, criticize and complain!

[Of course this doesn't mean that I never condemn certain horrific acts committed by certain human beings: like the terrible recent shooting in Tuczon, Arizona, or the massacre at Virginia Tech in 2007, or the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, or so many other unexplainable acts committed by our fellow humans against others - especially against those who cannot defend themselves, like young children - and so many others (like the Holocaust). Any violation to our most basic human rights and acts against humanity, must be condemned. The hope is that we learn from these awful experiences and our tragic history to become stronger, and to "together" do something positive to help prevent acts like these from happening. There's a lot that our country and our world can do in order to promote peace and live in peace.]

Our Purpose

"I wonder what life has in store for me, I think a painter is what I'll be. Mix the black with the white on the canvas of life. Create the artistry. The picture is HUMANITY..."
(Movie: The Prince of Egypt. Song: "Humanity" by Dream Works, LLC)

"What allows us, as human beings, to psychologically survive life on earth, with all of its pain, drama, and challenges, is a sense of purpose and meaning."

~ Barbara De Angelis

I've heard and read many times, especially now a days, that we all have "a purpose" in our life; that life must be "purposeful" if you want to be happy... . I've come to believe that too - I never thought about this when I was growing up - but now that I'm older, and hopefully wiser, this makes a lot of sense to me. Of course the trick is to find that purpose, that special mission we came here to accomplish. When we believe that there's is truly a purpose in what we do and purpose in our lives in general, we definitely feel better, we feel valuable, and more inspired to accomplish our goals and dreams; we feel happier overall - no matter what. We all face hard times and challenges, there are part of life; but if we feel there's a purpose, a reason why we are here and why we have to live certain experiences and trials - to learn important lessons - we start slowly finding "meaning" and learning to live life more fully. At the same time we must always keep in mind how important our attitude is to change our life for the better; the more positive we are, the better we can deal with our lessons and setbacks. I read somewhere once: "the journey can be difficult at times and we are constantly challenged to learn the lessons of the soul: courage, patience, faith, love... ." Yes, life is a challenge, but we can make it worthwhile.

The great Indian mystic and physician Patanjali said: "When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds; your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world... Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be."

There's a great article in the magazine "Art Calendar" titled "Living with an Abundance of Purpose" written by Renée Phillips (November 2010 issue) that stresses the importance of living life with purpose. She wrote: "People with an 'Abundance of Purpose' have a mission, a dream and a passion with which they can profoundly affect people around them, add significant quality to their own experiences and make the planet a better place." You can check: http://www.artcalendar.com/ - I love this magazine (great for the artist in all of us)! There are positive messages and good advice here, as well as in many other places, about this and other important issues and subjects; and I think we can all learn a lot from some of them. Search and you shall find; we can find inspiration everyday... somehow. We can find time to fuel our spirit. This is how I want to live my life, with passion, with purpose, with joy. When we feel we have a purpose, that we matter, we are somehow guided to find the right education, the right job, the right people, the right opportunities... exciting things happen and we feel more confident. Try it! We have to stop looking for excuses as to why we are in a rut and stop blaming others for our misfortunes. We must take responsibility for our own life!

You may say: "It's not easy to find or decide which is our purpose or what to do with our lives." I know, of course it's not easy. But with faith, optimism, passion, patience and a lot of perseverance; little by little we find a cause greater than ourselves, a special mission, and meaning in everything we do. There are many lessons to learn here on earth. I always say "life is like a school." Let's learn from our mistakes, embrace our inner strength, make the right choices for our life, put things in perspective and see the big picture, and let's get to know ourselves better - our talents, weaknesses, strengths, etc. Find your special gift or talent and put it into practice; especially, be of service to others (in some way) and you'll reap whatever you sow; you will be rewarded. Use your talents and skills for the good of humanity.

Some of the main things that at times limit us in our pursuit of happiness and purpose are our "busyness" and extreme "multitasking." These are epidemics in our world today. We tend to disconnect from others and even from ourselves; we become too distracted and lose ourselves in the process (and neglect the "important things"). We try to do too much and don't find enough time to reflect, write, read, pray, meditate and connect with others. Sometimes we feel we don't have a choice; but no matter how busy and distracted we are or get, we have to try to set priorities, manage our time properly, and not lose sight of our goals and dreams, and most importantly of the special people in our life (and our own specialness). Let's unclutter our lives and our minds. Let's simplify things a bit. Timing is everything!

Let's remember that: "Everyone has a purpose in life... a unique gift or special talent to give to others. And when we blend this unique talent with service to others, we experience ecstasy and exultation of our own spirit, which is the ultimate goal of all goals." This is the Law of Dharma. I read many things and don't limit my reading to a specific religion, philosophy or belief system, as long as the message is positive and resonates with my heart. I like to learn positive things from others. There are many beautiful lessons out there that help us find our special path or journey in this life. I hope you get inspired to find your own unique path and to find peace and happiness wherever you go. It's up to you!

"Indifference"

"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference."
~ Elie Wiesel

Today I want to write about "indifference" - one of the biggest problems in this day and age. Indifference, according to the Webster Dictionary, means: "1. Lack of concern, interest, or feeling; apathy. 2. Lack of diligence, dedication and devotion. 3. Attitude and actions that say, 'I don't care!'" Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen said "our world is suffering from indifference! Indifference is APATHY, not caring..." Why is it that today so many people, young and old, just don't care about others and about themselves? They lack compassion, kindness, love, passion... They live like zombies or robots devoid of feelings. I'm a firm believer that one of the greatest lessons we must learn in this life is to LOVE (to love unconditionally): love others, love ourselves, love what we do; and even love what we have to do when we're not particularly thrilled about it (a job or certain situation in our lives) - because we know that is the means to a good end.

Life is not perfect, we are not perfect; but we must learn to be PASSIONATE! Passionate about life, passionate about what we do, passionate about making a difference, some how... We must take a stand when we see injustices, and we must learn to be in touch with our feelings. As a teacher, I unfortunately see, and know of, many students who lack "passion" and "dedication," and that show a great amount of "indifference." I hope we can motivate some of them (hopefully all of them) to care more about themselves, about others, and about their life (and the life of others)! It's really up to us to change our situations, to overcome obstacles, to improve ourselves, to become better persons and make a difference in our world - but it starts with us. Challenges will always exist; but we can face them straight on, embrace them, and eventually become stronger persons as we conquer them. Let's remember Mahatma Ghandi's words: "We must be the change we wish to see in the world."

How many times do we have to hear about people who stood still and did nothing when someone was in trouble? I know there are still many caring and compassionate people out there; but we must unite and spread the "caring" vibe so that others learn from us and stop the disease of indifference and selfishness. Stay positive! Do your best!

Be Strong... Stay Strong!

How hard it is in this day and age to be just that... STRONG! Especially for girls. Of course I relate more to girls, since I'm a "girl" (hopefully wiser since I'm "older" now), I have two daughters and I teach only girls. I think it is hard, even today, to stay true to ourselves, to our values and beliefs, and not succumb to all the temptations out there; especially when girls feel the great need to "please" others and in doing so, many times they compromise their true feelings.

It is hard to remain strong when everyone around us is telling us to do something that is really against our better judgment - even though we know deep inside it is the wrong thing to do - and we prefer to pretend that it really isn't because "everyone is doing it." All we can really do as parents, teachers, friends, is to give advise and a good example (at least the best possible example we can give); and remind our daughters, students, and friends that it's essential to work on our self-esteem and to learn to believe in ourselves. Deep inside we know what's right and what's good for us; but so many times we choose not to do what our inner voice tells us for fear of not being accepted. So many times we prefer to please others and get attention (even if it's negative attention); instead of doing what we know is right, pleasing ourselves and our core values and morals.

Yes, being STRONG is hard. My only hope is that you learn to develop and cultivate enough life skills and principles to empower you and who you really are, and help you feel better about yourself because you remained strong and whole; because you didn't compromise your "authentic" self. Of course, we all make mistakes... and then, all we can do is learn from them and go on; remaining strong and committed to the improvement of ourselves - with optimism and a positive attitude, valuing our life and valuing LIFE in general.