Teens Self Help

Website connected to TeensSelfHelp.com. For me is a medium to express myself and talk about my feelings. "Believe in yourself, in the power you have to control your own life day by day. Believe in the strength that you have deep inside and your faith will help show you the way. Believe in tomorrow and what it will bring. For things will work out if you trust and believe there is no limit to what you can do!" (Larry S. Chengges)

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Let's Feel Good About Ourselves No Matter What

We all have the potential to feel good about who we are, to feel happy, no matter what's happening around us and no matter how many people drive us crazy at times or try to put us down (intentionally or not). Of course, it is also true, that it's hard to feel good about ourselves -and in general - when we only concentrate in negative feelings and in all the bad stuff that happens everywhere. Feeling good is a choice we make; but how can we ignore or block-out negative situations, negative people, negative comments, negative feelings? That's the hard thing to do; but we can do it!

Think for a moment: what will feeling bad accomplish? It will only make us anxious, sad, angry, and in short, miserable. It really won't help any situation or serve a purpose. This is when we have to take a deep breath (like they say), take a stand, center ourselves, and think positive. If we can change a situation, let's change it; if we cannot, let it be and detach yourself from it. Is there a lesson to learn from that experience? Think of things that make you happy: family, friends, pets... whatever brings a smile to your face. Maybe a funny joke or a funny experience. Tell yourself that you have the right to "feel good" and that no-one will put you down. Don't hold angry or negative feelings against others; remember, they don't know any better. If you think of them with kindness, compassion, understanding and love, you will definitely feel better. Let others be! If they are ignorant, immature, silly or whatever - remember, we all have "issues". Try not to take things so personally, try not to judge others, and move on.

We are what we choose to be in any situation; we can choose to be happy, to have a good time and to enjoy our lives; or we can choose to be miserable, angry and sad. It's all up to us! If others don't want to be with us, don't like us, judge us, criticize us, etc. It's their choice and it's their loss. Let's be very patient and tolerant with ourselves and others. Relationships are challenging... life is challenging. And let's not forget: FORGIVENESS is essential. Only forgiveness set us free.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Endurance

"Is my love enduring? Does it withstand challenges and setbacks? Do I give and withhold love according to my moods or is it constant regardless of the ups and downs of life?"
Simon Jacobson

Interesting question to think about, isn't it? Is my love enduring? Is my love unconditional? Do I give love when it's only convenient to me, when others fulfill my expectations, when others please me and when I'm in a good mood? Or, do I give my love no matter what, even when others upset me at times and when I'm feeling down?

Do I give love even when others don't know how to love? I'm I patient enough? Understanding enough? Tolerant enough? Respectful enough? Loving enough? Have I exhausted all the possibilities of preserving a loving relationship? It's true that some relationships are just NOT MEANT TO BE, that sometimes we just have to say GOODBYE... But, let's reflect and think: have we really tried hard enough to preserve and keep our relationship with someone. If the answer is yes, then we can feel at peace and move on. If the answer is no, then we should try to explore other options and through forgiveness try to reconcile with the person we're having a disagreement with - the person who hurt our feelings. Let's think carefully whether we're taking their behavior, words and actions personally - since we shouldn't! Let's consider the possibility of communicating our feelings to them with love and kindness, and to say "I am sorry", even if we didn't cause the conflict, even if we feel that it was the other person's fault. If we try and fail, then, at least we tried...

"Recognize that all relationships cannot be forever. Recognize their temporary quality, but continue to act as if they are permanent."

"Never force anyone to do anything for you 'in the name of love.' Love is not to be bargained for."

Check: http://www.TeensSelfHelp.com
and other favorite websites: http://www.LivingLifeFully.com, http://meaningfullife.com

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Some Relationships Are Just Not Meant To Be...

"The absolute lifeblood of a relationship is to exchange thoughts, feelings and ideas."

I recently read this statement in one of my favorite magazines, and I firmly believe in it. How can we have a relationship with someone when we cannot communicate our true feelings and thoughts to them; when we feel that anything we say or do upsets them; when they feel rejected if we don't fulfill all of their expectations; when they judge us wrongly and get angry as soon as we disagree with them?

Isn't it difficult to truly communicate with people like that, no matter how hard we try? If we express our feelings, if we tell them what's bothering us - they get hurt, they take it personally, they make us feel bad. They are extremely sensitive. If we say NO to something they want us to do - because we don't agree with it or because it's against our better judgment, beliefs and principles - they don't want to hear what we have to say, they just get insulted and try to put us down. They twist things around and blame us (and others) for whatever they feel is wrong; for whatever problem they created. When people take things so personally like this, it's a clear sign that they have a very low self-esteem; it's a clear sign that they are in a lot of pain. Yet, they won't admit it!

Of course, no matter how high our self-esteem is; there will always be times when we go through some "lows", when things bother us more easily, when we have little patience and tolerance, when some people just drive us crazy. Remember, we are all human, we are not perfect! (sometimes we don't even get enough sleep). But when someone is CONSTANTLY getting upset about every little thing, when they act like a little child who doesn't get his or her toy, his or her way, and throw a tantrum and reject us; that's a true sign of deeper problems. That's a sign of immaturity. Do we want a relationship with someone like that? Do we want to struggle with their bad behavior, with their negativity? Always feeling that no matter what we do, we can never please them.

It's a hard decision some times; especially when we believe in loving others no matter what (unconditionally), and when we want to keep our family together. But, how much sacrifice are we willing to make? It's like they want to drag us down with them. And what if they don't want anything to do with us? It's hard enough to have someone coming in and out of our lives at their convenience. Only when we please them, fulfill their expectations, and do whatever they want us to do, are they willing to hang in there with us. We feel like walking on egg shells all the time; we have to be careful not to hurt their feelings (since they get hurt so easily), we cannot be free... If they don't want us in their lives, we are obviously not important enough to them, we are not good enough, we are not worth their love - a relationship like that is just not worth it! We need to find friends and relatives that accept us for who we are, that see our good (our positive side) and not only our mistakes; that love us without so many conditions; that allow us to be ourselves and express our deepest feelings, thoughts and concerns.

I also recently read the following, in an E-Mail: "The relationship that did not work out is an opportunity to grow and learn. You might learn, this time, that it would have been better to let it be, instead of loading it with day dreams and expectations. It might be a time to learn that not all people are meant to be with you forever. It might be a time to learn that love is a gift, a gift of giving and not getting, and that if you allow love to flow freely, then you are blessed with the heart overflowing with love..." But that's what's hard, isn't it? To love without conditions. Most people love conditionally and reject us when in their minds we're not good enough; we are not perfect; we made a mistake. Some people don't even allow us to apologize. And even if they're the ones who were wrong; the ones who hurt us with their words and actions; the ones who only see what they want to see and assume the wrong thing - they won't admit it and they won't apologize. They're too proud to say "I'm sorry" (although pride is usually an excuse) and they feel that they are always right. To them, we are just not worth it; they prefer to lose us - because we really don't mean anything to them. When that's the case, it's definitely better to let them be. Do we want to bother with the stress of dealing with someone like that? Why should we continue a relationship with someone that clearly doesn't love us, or that doesn't know how to love? We'll just get hurt over and over again. After a while, we just get tired of this type of relationship because it drains our energy and it makes us feel bad.

I decided that it's not worth it! Some people are just very hard to love. They create barriers, they create conditions and they simply don't allow others to love them. They really don't know how to love themselves. That's what it boils down to: if they don't know how to really love themselves, how can they love anyone else? They just have no clue...

Check: http://www.teensselfhelp.com/BeYourBestSelf.html

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Such Is Life...

It's hard to please everyone all the time, no matter how hard we try. We shouldn't really have to try to please everyone; especially when that means doing something that is against our beliefs and better judgment. At this time, we are struggling with a situation like this with a close relative; sometimes it seems that no matter what we do, we cannot please some people. If we say NO to something they ask us to do, they take it personally and try to make us feel bad; they think we don't love them, because we don't want to do something we feel is wrong; or they just stop talking to us and don't communicate their feelings. I wrote this poem to express my feelings, I hope you like it!


SUCH IS LIFE…

I know it's hard for you to love us
just the way we are…
We are not perfect, you know ~
we cannot please you
in every single way.
We cannot always say YES
to every whim in your heart.
We cannot compromise our values and our beliefs
to be great in your eyes;
that will be like denying ourselves,
denying who we really are.
Life is not easy, you know ~
so many people to please;
so many people to love
with their idiosyncrasies,
their weaknesses,
their own way of being.
We may be different at times,
we may be similar some times;
we may be lovable to some,
we may be hateful to others.
We are human beings…
We are not perfect, you know; but
We love you anyway!
(even when you cannot love us back...
you don't know any better)


Karol Feld (4/5/06)