Bonding with others

"Every person needs and has the capacity to bond with other people, with significant undertakings and with meaningful experiences. Do I have difficulty bonding? Is the difficulty in all areas or only in certain ones? Do I bond easily with my job, but have trouble bonding with people? Or vice versa? Examine the reasons for not bonding. Is it because I am too critical and find fault in everything as an excuse for not bonding? Am I too locked in my own ways? Is my not bonding a result of discomfort with vulnerability? Have I been hurt in my past bonding experiences? Has my trust been abused? Is my fear of bonding a result of the deficient bonding I experienced as a child?" (Rabbi Simon Jacobson)

I believe that one of our greatest priorities in life is to learn to "bond" with others: connect, befriend, feel comfortable with other people (like friends, co-workers, classmates, relatives, etc.) It's hard for some people to learn to get along with others; to listen to them and respect their opinions; to avoid being critical and judgmental all the time; to love without expecting too much in return and without so many conditions; to stop taking everything so personally...

When I was in High School I had a very hard time connecting with others, because I was very shy and didn't have good socialization skills. I was extremely introverted. Luckily in College, thanks to some great friends, people who accepted me as I was, I learned the great skill of "bonding". It took me a while; but little by little I learned how to connect with my co-workers, students, friends, relatives, etc. I enjoy showing true concern and love for others (I feel energized when others respond in positive ways). Everyone likes to receive attention and to me, it's comforting and enjoyable to give others my complete attention as much as possible. Now, even when others don't respond to kindness and love - we have to be patient; we have to remember that maybe they have a hard time trusting others, because they were probably hurt many times before. They may not trust our intentions, because of that lack of trust and confidence.

Let's examine our capacity to bond with others and try to see where we're failing; by admitting our weaknesses we can become better persons and learn to improve and overcome those flaws. And let's not be so harsh on ourselves, after all: nobody is perfect!