"The absolute lifeblood of a relationship is to exchange thoughts, feelings and ideas."
I recently read this statement in one of my favorite magazines, and I firmly believe in it. How can we have a relationship with someone when we cannot communicate our true feelings and thoughts to them; when we feel that anything we say or do upsets them; when they feel rejected if we don't fulfill all of their expectations; when they judge us wrongly and get angry as soon as we disagree with them?
Isn't it difficult to truly communicate with people like that, no matter how hard we try? If we express our feelings, if we tell them what's bothering us - they get hurt, they take it personally, they make us feel bad. They are extremely sensitive. If we say NO to something they want us to do - because we don't agree with it or because it's against our better judgment, beliefs and principles - they don't want to hear what we have to say, they just get insulted and try to put us down. They twist things around and blame us (and others) for whatever they feel is wrong; for whatever problem they created. When people take things so personally like this, it's a clear sign that they have a very low self-esteem; it's a clear sign that they are in a lot of pain. Yet, they won't admit it!
Of course, no matter how high our self-esteem is; there will always be times when we go through some "lows", when things bother us more easily, when we have little patience and tolerance, when some people just drive us crazy. Remember, we are all human, we are not perfect! (sometimes we don't even get enough sleep). But when someone is
CONSTANTLY getting upset about every little thing, when they act like a little child who doesn't get his or her toy, his or her way, and throw a tantrum and reject us; that's a true sign of deeper problems. That's a sign of immaturity. Do we want a relationship with someone like that? Do we want to struggle with their bad behavior, with their negativity? Always feeling that no matter what we do, we can never please them.
It's a hard decision some times; especially when we believe in loving others no matter what (unconditionally), and when we want to keep our family together. But, how much sacrifice are we willing to make? It's like they want to drag us down with them. And what if they don't want anything to do with us? It's hard enough to have someone coming in and out of our lives at their convenience. Only when we please them, fulfill their expectations, and do whatever they want us to do, are they willing to hang in there with us. We feel like walking on egg shells all the time; we have to be careful not to hurt their feelings (since they get hurt so easily), we cannot be free... If they don't want us in their lives, we are obviously not important enough to them, we are not good enough, we are not worth their love - a relationship like that is just
not worth it! We need to find friends and relatives that accept us for who we are, that see our good (our positive side) and not only our mistakes; that love us without so many conditions; that allow us to be ourselves and express our deepest feelings, thoughts and concerns.
I also recently read the following, in an E-Mail: "The relationship that did not work out is an opportunity to grow and learn. You might learn, this time, that it would have been better to let it be, instead of loading it with day dreams and expectations. It might be a time to learn that not all people are meant to be with you forever. It might be a time to learn that love is a gift, a gift of giving and not getting, and that if you allow love to flow freely, then you are blessed with the heart overflowing with love..." But that's what's hard, isn't it? To love without conditions. Most people love conditionally and reject us when in their minds we're not good enough; we are not perfect; we made a mistake. Some people don't even allow us to apologize. And even if they're the ones who were wrong; the ones who hurt us with their words and actions; the ones who only see what they want to see and assume the wrong thing - they won't admit it and they won't apologize. They're too proud to say "I'm sorry" (although pride is usually an excuse) and they feel that they are always right. To them, we are just not worth it; they prefer to lose us - because we really don't mean anything to them. When that's the case, it's definitely better to let them be. Do we want to bother with the stress of dealing with someone like that? Why should we continue a relationship with someone that clearly doesn't love us, or that doesn't know how to love? We'll just get hurt over and over again. After a while, we just get tired of this type of relationship because it drains our energy and it makes us feel bad.
I decided that it's not worth it! Some people are just very hard to love. They create barriers, they create conditions and they simply don't allow others to love them. They really don't know how to love themselves. That's what it boils down to: if they don't know how to really love themselves, how can they love anyone else? They just have no clue...
Check:
http://www.teensselfhelp.com/BeYourBestSelf.html
